Why Should I Get Married? Part One
February 11, 2009 8 Comments
Note: I have decided to do a mini series on Marriage. I have had a few requests to tackle a variety of issues surrounding marriage. I cannot possibly cover them all in one post. The best way to keep up-to-date is to check in daily, add Goddess Intellect to your favourites, or subscribe by clicking on the “Entries Rss” link at the bottom left hand corner.
I have a secret confession to make
I collect bridal magazines. I have a whole bookshelf full of them. I have two possible wedding themes in my head, colour concepts and all. I have picked out my dream dresses, and even know what kind of flowers I want in my bouquet. I once dragged my younger sister to a bridal show for no apparent reason at all. You can say I am ready to roll when that ring shows up, no doubt. So what’s the hold up?
If there were a topic that comes up constantly when I’m conversating (I know its not a word, but this is my blog so deal with it) with friends, marriage would top the list.
I’m getting older though my amazing complexion and top notch figure would convince you otherwise the pressure is on to settle down, get married, and eventually procreate. Many of my friends are getting hitched, buying houses, and some have already started families without the formalities. A small percentage of my friends are like me, single, sexy and frustrated. A popular misconception about single women over the age of 25 is that they must have a major character flaw, which is preventing them from “keeping a man” or getting married. I personally know some married women & women in serious relationships with issues, so allow me to squash that myth RIGHT NOW!
There, it’s squashed!!!!
So back to the hold up
I was one of the few ladies in my circle of friends who had the opportunity to be “wifed up” from senior year in highschool up until 2 years ago. Although the relationship was on and off, that was my introduction to the dating world, and I have no regrets.
At first, marriage to my “hubby” never really passed through my thoughts. We were both young and didn’t really set any goals together. We stayed with each other for comfort more than anything. As my ambitions for bigger and better (pause) things in life started to take over, we grew further apart and my obsession started with the bridal mags.
Of course we had a list of other issues that caused us to grow apart, but they have no relevance to this post so I will not get into details.
Fast-forward, 2 years later, after a few short-lived relationships, I’m officially single. My obsession with the bridal magazines is still there and I am still in love with the idea of the wedding.
The myth that I squashed earlier
I’m over the age of 25, I’m single, I have my ish together, but nothing’s popping. I once saw in an issue of Essence magazine a map of US cities with the highest single men to single women ratio- So this has become a science now!?
Back in our parents day I’m sure it was not this difficult to find “the one”, okay maybe back in our grandparents day, because divorce rates have soared thanks to our parents’ generations.
I think the root of my frustration, and the difference between our generation and the generations that came before us lies is the lack of courtship and chivalry present day- I call this my Fast-food sex theory. We are inundated with images of fast sex everywhere we look. Instead of appreciating and waiting for a “home-cooked meal” we have been taught that sex comes on a hot platter and can be served up in no time at all.
Ladies, Why should men feel the need to court when what they want is a text message or phone call away? If I can get a pair of Jimmy Choo knock offs for a good deal, made in the same factory, with the correct label, same quality, why the hell would I splurge on the “real” thing?
Men, if you know all you gotta do is buy a chicken and shrimp combo at Popeye’s complete with a bottle of yak, to hit it, why buy a ring? Why go through the motions and commotions?
Yeah that mentality might bring you some good times, but nothing lasts forever, even Jay grew up,
“Nice move, maestro, you can queue the wedding march
I’m done, I tried to run but cupid hit me dead in heart”- Oh Girl Raphael Saadiq feat. Jay-Z
So whatchu talking ‘bout Tillis?
Knowing that this Fast-food sex theory consumes a lot of us out there, where does that leave me and other singles with their ish together? As much as I want to walk, maybe tootsie roll down the isle, I’m also content with waiting in the cut for the time being. My clock is ticking away, but I’ll be damned if it stops for some one who cannot measure up to my standards of fabulousness.
If you’re unnecessarily battling chicks for the bouquet at weddings or going into relationships expecting marriage, you set yourself up for disappointment. If you keep an open-mind and look at your current relationship status with a more positive attitude, you attract positive people towards you. Sure you’ll attract the fast-food sex advocates too, but you will be able to recognize them more easily and avoid them.
So what are your thoughts on the Fast-food sex theory? Do you have a mini theory as to why there are many sexy eligible singles out there? What are your thoughts on the pressure to settle down get married and procreate?
I like the Occasional Big Mac,
Tee’d Off
Relationships
i think its better to be with someone rather being single
There’s a lot of single lads and lasses because people are more self-interested and absorbed in their own lives nowadays. Those hungry for relationships are probably going to end up divorced or separated from their significant other cuz they’re forcing the issue. I mean really. What’s the rush?
@ Slim: Agreed- What is the rush? I know of a few engagements that have been broken off because of the “rush”.
To me marriage is a done deal…there is more to it than the wedding and ring…you have to be able to sacrifice a lot!..it’s no longer all about you.
Not in a rush, but I’m still gonna fantasize over the big day…that’s just the girly girl in me
@findyourlove: I think everyone who is single would rather be with someone, but at what cost? Being with someone should make you happy, and you should not feel obligated to date or get serious with someone just because you don’t want to be alone.
Well I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one that has a collection of bridal magazines, dress selections, colors, themes and even my wedding party down pact. I’ve had it all planned out for years and all I’m waiting for is those 4 magical words.
Now Miss Tee’d Off you asked “What are your thoughts on the pressure to settle down get married and procreate?” Well I think that society puts a lot of pressure on women when they reach a certain age to settle down and get married. I never really liked to hear “settle”. When was settling ever a good thing? If its not a talk about marriage it about your biological clock that’s ticking. After hearing this on a daily basis it starts to mess with your head. Society is to blame for a lot of failed marriages and dysfunctional families. Those are the women that felt they had to “settle” down and get married and start a family. My advice is take your time pull out the “weeds” from your garden because in between all those weeds your bound to find that rose. Don’t settle for nothing but the best.
Oh Nikki I’m pulling and pulling and pulling lollll
Yea I agree there is a lot of pressure put on women, especially from the mid 20′s+ to “settle”…and although a lot of us are ready to play house…we’re not ready for marriage and once in it..we become disappointed…
Marriage is a spiritual, emotional as well as physical bond ..if you are not seeing eye to eye with your partner on all those levels…it cyan work lol
I must say…I am too @ 25yrs old…I with someone off and on for past 3 yrs now @ this point we been on since last May. It been up and down since May between us it only because we learning more about each other each day. It weird but I dont what to let him go now since I at that age. I do not want to start over with someone new. So I looking forward to marrying him but I’m just waiting cause we both have few things on our own lists to check off before commitent to each other. So really there is no rush. It just alot women feel at that stages and ages and feel that marriage is on thier top of the list to be check off but it all about patience within inside yourself to be truly with that person.( I dont know if that make sense.)
Hey TriniRose thanks for stopping by!!
You make sense, I got you lol
Thats great that y’all are working together to check off those items on your list. And yes every relationship will have it’s ups and downs. Like you mentioned, instead of rushing into things we need to be patient with our men…they know as we get older we want to become “honest women” and get wifed up. They may not necessarily let you know by saying those 4-magic words when we want them to, but if he sticking around most llikely he’s legit.
Don’t get married. Legal marraige are for bodies.