Who’s That Peeking Through My Window?
March 9, 2009 3 CommentsNah, this is not a tribute to Goodie Mob, or the dirty south movement, sorry. However this is a post on what I wish Denzel would become to me-Stalkers. Contrary to popular belief stalkers don’t just target celebrities. They can be your exes, that person who doesn’t take for no for an answer, the secret admirer- unfortunately the possibilities are endless.
I have recently had a run in with a stalker. He’s calmed down for a bit, but for a while I was honestly concerned for my safety. I won’t get into too many personal details, but this dude is a family friend, who I knew from my childhood. We recently connected and he became my go-to man for advice when it came to dealings with my now ex-boyfriend. It wasn’t until I ended my relationship that the stalker in him came out. He asked me to go out to the movies alone with him, and often casually attempted to invite himself over to my apartment. Because of the awkwardness I was feeling, I began to slowly back off, meaning I did not answer his calls, and if I happened to pick up the phone by accident, I kept the conversation brief. He began calling from different numbers, quite frequently. Once online I made it clear that I was feeling awkward and I outlined the reasons why. He agreed to back off. I felt bad, but I was relieved that I got to “confront” the situation. I thought that the worse was over.
Remember that post about being stressed out? Well that week he made an unexpected visit to my apartment, tried different buzzers until one neighbour snitched and let him know my front door code. In a move that I regret, I let him in. Dude was un-kept in a hoodie, and that evening was not a warm one in the igloo land of Toronto. He explained that he was on his way home from work when his train derailed and decided to stop by. I live in the complete opposite direction of his workplace and residence. I froze when I came to this realization.
Luckily I have a 70-pound pit bull, which doubles as my bed-warmer and security, so I was feeling 95% safe. He left after an hour, and I made it clear that regardless of what happens, he needs to contact me before visiting my apartment. Nevertheless, the calls persisted and two days later someone rang my buzzer again. My silly short bus-riding ass didn’t answer this time, however I turned off the lights in my apartment, and the buzzing eventually stopped.
I made a point the next day to alert my apartment’s superintendent about the incident. I’m lucky to have prying supers, because one recalled seeing dude at the door buzzing, she described him head to toe!
I’m grateful that I have not received anymore-unexpected visits, at least any, which I am aware of. The calls continue, but they are slowing down in frequency. It was suggested that I report the incidents to the police, but real talk- it’s a waste of my time to be go to a place where I am most likely to get the cold shoulder (that’s a whole other post!)
I came across this interview on youtube on How to Deal with Stalkers, a segment on CBC Healthwatch. I found it to be amusing, even though stalking is not a laughing matter when it affects 3.4 million Americans each year. It’s not because I am an insensitive bitch, but I feel that some of the guidelines in the video clip will apply differently to a woman of color than it would to a white woman, especially the part about reporting the “stalking log” to law enforcement. I’ll also go on a limb and mention that the rules discussed in the video would apply less to a male encountering a similar situation. Yes, males have stalkers too!
I’ve never known a female stalking a male situation to get violent, I’m sure it happens but those stories don’t get as much media attention as the traditional male stalking female cases. Also I cannot see any dude taking time to record the endless text messages phone calls and unexpected visits, let alone go to the police with this information- he’d get laughed out of the station.
Although my situation has not escalated I found it helpful to alert as many people as I felt comfortable with about my situation. The video also points out that one should alter their daily routine, that definitely helps, but that’s also life. Last Tuesday will not be the same as this Tuesday etc.
Well until I meet stalker again…I’m a watch my back and hopefully my Pittie does too!
Have you had a situation with a stalker? How did you deal? Am I alone in thinking that the video guidelines would apply differently to minorities and males?
I want to know!!!
I’m skilled with a Swiss army knife,
My ex boyfriend was stalking me. He had harrassed his baby mama in the past, and thought that i would tolerate such foolery, in spite of the restraining order I had put in place (thank goodness we’d lived together for a few months, because otherwise, I’d never would have been able to get it until AFTER an unfortunate situation). He got convicted of stalking, and is currently in jail. I know that I was extremely blessed in how this worked out, because most women, especially women of color, do not have the justice system work so quickly in their favor.
@ Just a thought- Hey! Thank you for sharing…I’m glad you quickly recognized that this man had a history of stalking, got a restraining order and did not mistake the harassment for a pathetic attempt to rekindle what you both once had.
I’m also glad to know that I am not alone in pointing out that the justice system does not work the same way for women of color….many of us have to call on an older male in the fam or a close guy friend for “protection”, when we should really be able to get the same timely/quality response as a white woman would.
I’m curious to know… how long did the stalking endure? And how long was the trial?
Three months. Mostly phone calls (from him, his family, and random people) and then he showed up outside my job. The trial was only one day, but it took place almost six months after his arrest.