That’s Why you Don’t Have a Man!
April 24, 2009 7 CommentsOk so I hope by now you have paid me a visit at my 2nd blog home the multi-faceted SH Collective site. If not DO IT NOW! Please? Not because I am an aggressive control freak who are you fooling Tee but because this post ties directly into the one I posted on SHC.
After my HELL DATE experience I stood back and reevaluated my standards and expectations because I think too much when it comes to potential mates. In the past 6 months I have gone from a pitiful mentally draining relationship, to re connecting with my special “friend” to agreeing to go out on a date with someone who was about a 55%er in my mind. It’s one thing to date casually and Dosey Doe from one partner to the next, with no expectations, just for the mere hell of it, but I have never had a desire to expand my social circle in that sense.
I guess that explains why I am having trouble with attaching the world casual to any type of relationship. I’m an all or nothing type girl. Even in the confines of the bedroom I bring my A game to every session, I make every attempt to pull out (pause) fixings, trimmings, bell and whistles.
Being single, although it has been for a short period of time, has me doubting to some degree my marketability to the opposite sex. By marketability I don’t necessarily mean looks. C’mon now, I think we all know that I do not need help in that department!! ;p
I mean marketability in terms of flexibility. I’m a shade past my mid-twenties and I’m pretty damn set in my ways. Not only that but my mate preferences have changed considerably. I now gravitate towards dudes that wear their shirts “extra medium” as rapper Common refers to it, whereas a few years ago I would swoon over supple jeans hanging low with a peak at the drawers.
Girl, he gotta be edjumacated!!
I have also tightened up on my qualifications for the 40hr/week hustle. These forty hours don’t necessarily have to be in the suffocating precinct of the cube jungle. If a potential mate has never been motivated enough to pursue a post secondary education/apprenticeship and is living in mama’s basement, I’ll have to pass. Not because I am better than any one unemployed person, but because I talk a lot about work/career. The more we have to talk about the better. And to those who are able to see past the 2nd dimension of my aforementioned restriction, the 40hr hustle is important to me not because of the monetary benefits, but because I have the need to be with a motivated individual.
Some of my girls have told me that I am too picky or that my expectations need a little loosening up. And I see around me that many of my friends in loving relationships stepped outside the box a bit or drastically. Falling for someone who never met his or her height requirement, trying that new flavor (cream in my coffee?), or overlooking the suit and tie dude for the handyman. I know they have a valid point and that maybe, just maybe I need to expand my margins, but this goddess is not ready to change! While reevaluating myself I looked at my past relationships, the scrolls of pain, and found that one of the reasons they failed was because I became too lax and comfortable and lowered the bar. So while my friends mean well for me, I can only look in one direction and that’s ahead.
I have my standards and expectations and whether that sits well with you or not, they are my set values. I am not ready to put cream in my coffee, although I love and find men of different shades attractive or compromise on the 40hr hustle/school stance. If someone out of my league happens to step to me and we are kosher well only then will I re-write this post. But until that moment I will continue to “chop and screw” (PAUSE) like T-Pain until I come across THE ONE.
I now leave you with the video I got my reference to shirts “extra medium” from…give it up for Common Q-Tip Miss Badu & Pharrel. Happy Friday!!!
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF6C9dxL9lM].
Bitter but oh so sweet,
Tee’d Off
Relationships
I think you have to keep in mind that expanding and being more open with your expectations or “requirements” isn’t the same as lowering your standards. It’s just being open to the idea that the destination you want to eventually reach can be arrived at from different routes. Keep ya standards high just keep ya mind open too. Everything happens in its proper time.
THANK YOU for that Nightfall!!
I guess I may be running into some more stumbling blocks for bit longer than expected.
I agree with the above comment…expanding your options doesn’t mean lowering your stadards…I admit I have made some bad choices with some guys I have dealt with. One particular guy I went on a date with was a teacher (educated), he was good looking ( no Idris Elba, or Boris Kudjo), and could hold a conversation about anything (politics…the education system..pop culture). One problem…he was too short.. Now I’m short myself..I’m 5’3..he was probably an inch taller than me (friend category) I honestly regret being so shallow because besides his height…he seemed to meet all the points of my list. I am very guilty for being too picky!
I love height! I’ve dated men the same height & under the required 6ft before, but that’s because other areas (pause?) made up for it. But why shouldn’t we goddesses (you and i lol) be picky and want to look up to a man instead of down at him, personal preference, not a crime!
I think what’s more important is chemistry & respect. Both things I will never compromise on regardless of how many of my personal preferences “he” meets.
Great post T! I feel you on holding your standards high – I am the same way, I’m not too interested in testing the waters too often with people I don’t vibe with mentally & physically, but…. you’re still young, no need to deprive yourself of all that’s out there! You do live in Toronto, where you have a multitude of all different kinds of men to choose from (I’m from out West, girl, it could be ALOT worse!). That being said, I can’t deal with SHORT either! I try not to be so shallow but I can’t do it! I’m only about 5″8 but I think I ‘look’ taller than that…ahhh who am I kidding, I am more picky than the next chick, but I’m trying to change!
Ok we’ve established that SHORT is a problem lmaooooooooooo
You have a point in Toronto there are so many different types of men to choose from, but even with all this choice Im finding more busters than anything…
I guess I am picky!!!!
As for living in the West…everyone and their mama is heading to the west so pretty soon you’ll have a Torontonian-like selection!!!
Lol @ the anti short man movement. Oh well.Suxx for them.