I Want to Speak To Your Manager

I was up until 2 in the morning stalking my new favourite comedian Ronnie Jordan. I first saw him in The Bad boys of Comedy (from 2005, quite long ago), I picked up the DVDs on sale a few weeks back and kept replaying his skit it was so funny. I came across this skit of Ronnie Jordan doing stand-up in Atlanta at the Uptown Comedy Corner. The beginning of the video warns that if you’re not from the ATL, you might not get the jokes. I’m not from the ATL, I’ve never been to the ATL, but I was falling out my seat.

Especially when Ronnie starts joking about ghetto ass customer service people, check @ 3:00.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Sn3dCajuMI].

I think we’ve all had bad customer service experiences. I used to be an Assistant Manager at one of the stores for the company I work for now, so I know all about bad customer service. The manager would always summon me to the front cash, to deal with “problem customers”. I built up a tough shell and developed a deep hatred for people (itching to put that line in a cover letter one day). When I was first promoted up to the office, I was somehow given the extra role of taking inbound customer service calls; my hatred for people grew stronger. Praise the lord for self-check out and online shopping. As much as I love to cruise the malls, customer service in most cases is not what it should be. The hours are long, breaks are short, and most of all you are underpaid but this job is only temporary right?

 Besides the ghetto back-o-the-woods customer service folks, here are a few customer service types that will make me a) run out of the store b) make me call your manager:

• The overly enthusiastic greeter: The kind who is loud, their movements are not subtle and your personal space is invaded. I was once in a Victoria secret store and purposely ignoring the greeter I took a sharp right turn to the fragrance section this b*tch came running up behind me “Hi, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?” I stayed in that store no longer than 5 minutes. I didn’t care that they were having a sale, because that greeter kept popping out of my rear view every 30 seconds to see if I was “DOING OK”
• The lazy summabitch stockboy: This kind of dude probably lives in his mama’s basement, fantasizes about being a superhero in a video game all day and smokes plenty of weed. He’s always in the isles stocking product and tries to avoid customers at all cost. When you do ask him a question he ends up pointing you in the wrong isle. By the time you go back to where you originally asked him the question to ring his neck- he’s gone.
• The chatterbox: This kind of customer service type is friendly (smiles are free?) maybe even bored, and doesn’t clue in that I’m in a rush or not a people-person. They happily engage in some conversations with themselves (cause I’m giving the side eye in the meanwhile) about nothingness. This usually happens with older employees, who know nothing about making haste. I don’t care that your grandson graduated highschool, I want the sh*t you got locked up in the counter…oh so now we gotta wait for the key…you don’t have it?….5 minute wait? Dammmmit!!!
• The overseas hustler: This person has an accent; they probably hail from the Middle East, Asia, and even Western Europe. They are used to the haggle and barter system and think they can pull a fast one on the North American customer. The more questions you ask the more this person’s blood boils. And they are the kings/queens of unnecessary add-ons, they will sell you a 10 year warranty on a nose hair trimmer .You will most likely find this person in a Best Buy, Future shop or any nail salon (you want design?). Damn them all to hell!
• The high-end store snob: I won’t walk into certain stores because although I may have the money to buy a coin purse, key chain or some trinket, I’m not a fan of getting stared down, because as shy as I am I will start talking shit about your store, even if it’s to myself. I got three things working against me when I go into a high-end store…#1- chocolate face #2- youth #3- $0 in wallet. I still expect a hello or some acknowledgement, nod or some shit. But then again some things will never change; didn’t Oprah get snubbed in Hermes couple years ago?

That’s all I can think of for now.

Any interesting customer service stories?

Any customer service types to add?

Let me transfer your call to someone who cares,

Tee’d Off

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