Independent & Unapproachable

Laughter is an essential part of my diet. Yesterday I  had a heart-to-heart a.k.a shit talking session with my bffffffffffff (sorry I get carried away sometimes), who happens to live wayyyyy up in the north pole (close to it anyway) so when we talk, we tawlk!

We were both reminiscing about how far we’ve come in terms of our relationships with men and divulged the lessons we’ve learned from our past foolery.

A few years back, every Friday we used to congregate at the liquor store, try the free samples repeatedly for like 20 minutes “I know I just had one, but girl this is good”, only to settle on the cheapest bottle of vino (Fyi-kosher wine will get you lifted). We would then ask for cups from the coffee store (Tim Hortons where u at?) drink, giggle; sometimes cry on the train ride home to begin our weekends. I laugh now when I think about how our drank-on-the-train episodes would go down, like a distorted happy hour routine. With no progression made or blueprint for the future, we were living in the moment, living reckless but having fun. Almost all our sessions on the train would centre around men, men, race, work, and more MEN.

I, at the time was in a dead end relationship and had dug my heels in deep. No one could tell me anything; I was content with existing in the same apartment with this man for whom I had no desire to be with. My girl on the other hand had yet to be in a serious relationship, and would dance from have-not to have-not, collecting numbers and drama along the way. Since then, things have changed considerably. I am now single technically anyways and she is engaged with no intention of getting married so they say.

Our discussion led to one very important lesson that I think a lot of women could benefit from. Go with the flow?

Few months back I ripped on an article in Essence magazine that featured a review on Steve Harvey’s bestseller Act like a lady, Think Like A Man. I found the review to be crap, and was unconvinced that the book would suffice. But as I began to post more and develop as a person I started to vibe with some of the concepts that I read on other blogs, forums etc., that discussed the book. What initially got me upset with the review was that Steve Harvey had said that sometimes women come across as too independent. Now as a woman who has been on her own for quite awhile I resented that statement, but low and behold, it’s bang on!

But let me break down……

Strength and independence does not always equal common sense. Sometimes we are too caught up in the Destiny Child mantras and fail to separate song from real life situations. Don’t get me wrong, if you make your money, got your education, and are most importantly in love with SELF then do you. But loving self also means that you have the capacity to love others and allow others to love you just as much. Being independent with your nose in the air is not attractive ladies. It makes you unapproachable POINT.BLANK.

It’s hard to let the guard down when you’ve been hurt, repeatedly let down,or  especially if you keep getting approached by Mr. Have-nots, I know. But I challenge you independent goddess, try stepping back  if your approach is too aggressive, and allow that man or potential man to show his worth and pry himself into your life for a change. And if you’re not approaching or getting approached at all, take a quick inventory; are you smiling often? are you shutting down an opportunity for conversation because you think that all he wants is your goodies? Most of our men actually want the chance to be that knight in shining armour and that may be in the way of paying for that dinner, surprising you at work one day for lunch or boring you with a play by play of their game. At the same time don’t expect things to fall into place if you are busy powdering your nose, primping and preening waiting for Mr. Right-ok to sweep you off your feet.

Life is lived full when your life is in balance. Find the balance between being the feminine creator, natures event planner and the damsel in distress.

Am I full of it, head in the clouds or is there such a thing as being too independent?

Have women with all the foolery and fuckery that we get subjected to, lost the damsel in distress act, or is this something that has to be taught? And lastly can there be balance between the mover and shaker vs. the damsel in distress? Oh ok for real, last question. MEN, what is your take on today’s independent woman, is she scary, sexy, a bore? I want to know!!!!

Can you hold my purse while I go pay this  light bill?

Tee’d Off

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