Regroup: Independent & Unapproachable
July 9, 2009 6 Comments
After Tuesday’s post I found myself getting into twitter discussions or receiving feedback from people on the topic of independent women (Shoutout to @bon1bon & @LeonX on twitter). There are many “experts” in this area of discussion who blame women, black women in particular for pushing men away. Reports suggest that black women have the highest percentage of single women when compared to other races, we are privy to power struggles with our mates, we’re too damn picky and a whole bunch other bullshit that I am not with- period.
I myself have been told that I’m too picky and that I need to go and do some dating charity work. The most charity work I will do for a have-not is smile and politely decline his request, and I’ve discussed this here.
With the Independent and Unapproachable post, I only aimed to remind the goddess that it takes two to tango. A healthy relationship or courtship is about give and take. It’s okay to “run tings” but please allow yourself to be catered to on occasion. Many of us, myself included have a hard time letting down their guard, because well, they’ve been knee deep in dating doo doo.
I do not support or push the idea that there is something wrong with any independent single woman, regardless of color. I believe that when a woman is single it is a gift & lesson, and that we will remain so until those lessons have been learnt. In fact ALL stages of dating bring gifts and lessons, so I’m sick of reading and hearing of this attack on the feminine.
Too picky? No, I think it’s better to say have less emphasis on the physical attributes, because they are deceiving. Man with a nice whip and six-pack may be a walking herpes house. But keep thosestandards up, paper bags over the face can become expensive!
Black women have the highest % of single woman? I don’t care what the numbers tell you, ask yourself this, do all black women need the validation of legal marriage to say that they are blessed and happy with their significant other? Where the hell do unconventional relationships fall on the stats?
Power Struggles? I’ll say this with confidence- men love a challenge! BUT finding out where/how they liked to be challenged is key. Some men like the back and forth cussing, some men like brainteasers, and some like to battle you in a game of chess or maybe bedroom twister??? 
In the end, its not about changing who you are because some “expert” says that you’re too [insert bullshit here], change your outlook and approach..balance..balance..balance is what attracts.
Just to rock the boat, here is a video with a brother that needs some goddess intellect divine intervention and a hug.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM0sIW38SZI]
What do you make of the video? Do you think that independent women should be toning down their independence and dodging power struggles? What is your take on my rebuttals for reasons that women or black women are being accused of “pushing men away”?
I enjoy a good game of bedroom twister,
Tee’d Off
Goddess, Relationships
Trying to change others is futile to me. You perfect you and let the world deal with you. Independence in a female isn’t an issue to me. Now, how you translate that in your respect and communication towards me is where the issue can dwell. If your independent mind frame has driven you the false assumption that I’ll be talked to and addressed in any manner then yes there will be a problem. No man that is 100% solid in who he is should never be broken down by anyone.
“If your independent mind frame has driven you the false assumption that I’ll be talked to and addressed in any manner then yes there will be a problem”
I find that this a common sentiment amongst men- not suprised. The one concept in the video that i totally vibed with soulnblack on was the false sense of authority women sometimes exert over men i.e “you aint shit” kinda attitude…I see it all the time…we saw how that played out with Jon & Kate plus 8?
I’m sure I wasn’t the only person wanting to clap KATE in the mouth.
Love the post, btw! We just posted a similar comment on our site (shameless plug, please check it out! — http://www.passmeashovel.com/2009/07/20/fucked-by-feminism/ ) about Feminism being the culprit to why [our] society’s screwed!
On another front, men are picky as shit. So anytime I hear that it’s women who are too picky, why shouldn’t we be, if men are trying to feed us bullshit? I got told this weekend by some David (read: idiot) that black women are “too demanding”. Mind you, I hadn’t known him for more than 10 mins, and hadn’t “demanded” anything more than his name.
Honestly, I think all this independent crap is just another excuse for men to bitch and moan about women who are working harder than their lazy asses. And if my accomplishments “push you away”, then you need to take your ass on, because I don’t want no punk azz ninja!
OKAYYYYY!!!!
Welcome Sphinx! Please grab you a drink and stick around.
I’m tired of battling it out with scarred insensitive little boys who wouldn’t know what to do with a divine goddess if he they had one. I think it’s easier to attack black woman speciafically because the dark feminine has been under attack for awhile now…the most desired and loathed woman on the planet..so it is up to us to keep our feet planted and NOT take shit and uplift the brothers/men who recognize the strength and divinity of not only black women but all single women who are hard working and in control of all aspects of life.
I disagree with the notion that black women push men away and are responsible for their single-ness (if thats even a word which I know it isn’t). But, I will say that many Black women have a status thing going on. If she goes to Howard and Harvard and has her masters and all she may not deal with a regular middle class guy who works as a sanitation worker.
I think there are times when Black women look at Black men and try to match up with them resume for resume. If they dont fit in terms of education or job title, they have no shot. I think its great to look for a certain type of man. But just because a man is educated or has a great job, doesn’t mean hes a great man.
“I think there are times when Black women look at Black men and try to match up with them resume for resume. If they dont fit in terms of education or job title, they have no shot.”
Although I’m not apart of the ivy league clique..I am guilty of pre judging a man based on his 40hr/week hustle, but I’m not alone I’m sure. But this is a real problem not only amongst black women but all women. And it has a lot to do with upbringing too..whoa..i feel a post coming on..so I’ll stop..for now.
Thanks for the inspiration Claudio!!