Catching The Train
June 7, 2010 No Comments
Thank you to Brandon Q White, Lauryn, and Nightfall for joining me again on Menage a Talksfor Part Two of “Do Nice Guys Finish Last?” We really saw the fruits of our labor when I read a letter from a Goddess Intellect reader who was touched by the first episode.We were able to provide some insight and adviceto help him and others out who may be going through the same experience. I’m blessed to be able to have this forum and have some of the most intelligent and charismatic people on my show. It just goes to show you that everything we do impacts the lives of others, whether we notice it or not. Being divorced for more than 2 years from cable television I found myself longing for a program that would take everyday issues and break it down for the general public without a high level of coonery, big wig corporate sponsors and the big one CENSORSHIP. Attn World: despite your perception of black youth, we are your future, your present and your past . We are not going anywhere but up. You can pull out all the facts and inside scoopsand dirt of our race and cultures but behind the scenes big things are in the works. I see the potential and the solution where the rest of the world sees a problem.
On Last night’s show our conversation got into the issue of communicating with our partners or partners-to-be what it is we want out of a relationship with them.
As we got into the topic my head started spinning. I started thinking about my fear of facing the truth when it came to defining and knowing what type of relationship I was getting into. Before you jump the gun, honesty is the best policy, but its even better when both parties are in agreement and seeing eye to eye. I remember one of my exes wanting to be my bonafide not too long after smashing *Denzel laugh*. I don’t think I was mentally and emotionally capable of understanding what that entailed, but because I felt like a prize pig, “I was THAT good?” I went along with the shyt. And on the flip side I was once too terrified to “break the smooth flow of things” that I sashayed around the question for months, only to be told- “it’s not that deep“.
Panel member and blogger Brandon Q White used the perfect analogy for the concept of knowing where you stand in any relationships……..checking in at the train station. Nine times out of ten when you pay your fare to take the train there is usually have a destination in mind. In fact most of the time you need to specify a destination in order to purchase a ticket. Many of us are acting a fool jumping the turnstiles, running past the ole twisted leg toy cop and up in the express train that only heads to the train garage.
What if you miss a stop? Well nothing is wrong with admitting defeat and getting off, there will always be another train scheduled to arrive and take you to where you need to go….but, the key is know where you are going.
Nightfall then brought up the question: when do you check in?
No crime in chillin at the train station, but at some point you will want to get on the train and head to a destination.
I feel that this should be done prior to a relationship getting physical. And believe me when I say this is easier said than done. And if this is not done prior to getting physical right after would be a good time…better late than never!?!
If you find that in your current relationship you can not or are unwilling to face the facts (who admits to that nowadays), know that the truth will show its ass at some point.
White then finished up the analogy by saying that if you cant define what it is on paper, then its definitely worth posing the question.
I deserve to be in a relationship where my needs and wants are fulfilled.
If you can not take the time to think about what our interactions together mean to you, then I will need to move on. I really like you but, I love me, and its important for me to have my best interests at heart before anybody else’s.
When do you feel is the right time to check in at the train station? Is it on the first date? 3 months in? 6 months in? What stop are you trying to get off at?
What are ways that we can pose “the question” to our mates without coming off as drill sergeant McCrazy?
I’m glad I asked,
Goddess Intellect
Relationships