The other day I had the pleasure of speaking at the Massey Center which is an awesome resource center for pregnant and parenting teens. The women and babies are provided with residences and cared for from pre-natal to a year or two post-natal. I’m not a parent, I have no idea what I was doing there and what impact me as a single woman could make on these young ladies bit when I sat down but somehow I immediately felt at home, it’s hard to explain.
I was accompanied by a group of women who are all highly successful professionals, two of which also spoke. As we shared our stories about trial and triumph I thought back to how far I had come, to the point that I almost doubted myself. I used to allow myself to be hit in the face by a boyfriend and now I’m dishing out relationship advice….
Coaching is what I know in my heart I was called to do. I know I went through abuse (physical & emotional), relationships that weren’t relationships, relationships filled with disrespect and dishonesty and the worst of all a low-value relationship with myself because I needed to experience life in the trenches before I could claim victory.
Many folks feel that they cannot reach out for support because they are embarrassed or doubtful , on the flip side they may absorb all the advice but are too stubborn or timid to apply it for fear of being alone. We want to believe that the person, who is in our love life at any given time, must be the one…or he/she will turn into the one with time. Secretly we want our friends and family to approve.
So we hide or perform for others. We shun those who give us the realness and we bombard those who will listen with the same stories with no conclusion. Well, that’s what I did. I had cheerleaders and those who would mock me behind my back.
Thank God for that.
I want to continue the goddess Intellect tradition of being transparent with my emotions, my experiences so here are 5 mistakes I made (don’t laugh now) in my love life:
- I took my first love back after he cheated with ….wait for it….strippers.
- I took a boyfriend back after he physically abused me, apologized and swore on his grandmother he would never do it again. He never did but it did not improve the relationship.
- I purposely tried to get pregnant with a former boyfriend so that I could have a baby and get married….yes, girl I did. I never got pregnant, someone was clearly watching over me and I’m grateful for this.
- I gave the earnings of a party I hosted in highschool to a boyfriend so he could help his family with a down payment on their condo….I know, I know!
- I took on a second job so I could have money for traveling- long distance relationships. Some of my travel was paid but some was not and besides you need a “while traveling budget” right? I should’ve used that money to invest or save.
There it is. I’m not embarrassed about the choices I’ve made, however I would be embarrassed if I kept repeating these patterns. I put my health in danger; I jeopardized my financial health and sacrificed respect and dignity for many of these relationships.
I share these experiences because I want those who may be considering coaching to know that I’m not perfect, I would never lie and tell you that it’s an easy journey to love, however I truly believe that happiness and not the temporary kind is just around the corner.
One thing I always knew and held on to while I was in the trenches was that I was meant to be more than what I saw around me. I knew that I would get out of the rut and I did what I could to to learn more. I started to surround myself with people who were living the way I wanted to live. I started getting used to trusting myself in every situation and I started to practice what I preach no matter what.
Not sure what compelled me to air my dirty laundry out, but here it is. Unapologetic and moving forward.
Make sure you join me for the 28-Day Valentine Challenge ladies we are stepping out of our comfort zone and learning everything we need in order to land more dates and be successful in LOVE! Sign up today àhttp://goddessintellect.com/vdaychallenge