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I’ll be quite frank and honest; my family is not winning when it comes to successful marriages and relationships. At gatherings there are always more single women than anything else. It’s depressing really. It’s not like things were always that way and it’s not like these women are not worthy of love because I love them.
I’ve always had this nagging fear in the back of my head that I am somehow doomed to repeat that pattern, na who am I foolin, I still do. And I’m sure I’m not the only product of a single parent family who feels that way. I know the difference it makes to have a father figure in the mix, there is balance, security and a different energy in the home. You can even tell amongst little kids at school whose family is rollin deep as opposed to who is not.
My mother by nature is this submissive yet head strong Asian woman who I’ve been told I am a lot like personality wise. We both had this IDGAF this is me, I’m going to do what I want but I will gladly sacrifice things and go out of my way for the people I love type of energy. However she is a lot more meticulous than I am. Once my hungry belly emptied dishes, a millisecond later her behind swiped them from the table and heads to the sink, I actually digest my food then clean thank you very much.
I picked up the best qualities in her however her relationship with my father was less than perfect. He had a problem with her ambition and independence- was an accounting major. He had issues with her asking questions about his whereabouts and he had a problem keeping his hands to himself.
My mother had all of us with my father and they went in and out of love from what I know for a span of over a decade.
I found myself caught up in a similar predicament sans the babies for a big chunk of my twenties. And even though that relationship is long gone I have still found myself repeating the pattern of putting my real desire to the side or losing myself in relationships when I am in one.
I made a promise to myself before my birthday about a week ago to dedicate this year to breaking patterns, breaking dating patterns, breaking unhealthy diet and anti-blessing patterns. I listed them in my head and vowed to break the generational curse. Being a single mother or a lonely and unfulfilled woman will not be my destiny- and that’s final.
Are there any generational curses you want to break in your family?
Have you observed any patterns in your life that you hope to break?
I’d love to read about it….
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Wow…this post hits home for me.
My family is not winning in the relationship category either. We have broken homes, “other” women, bitter exes, people who’ve been hurt and then say “all Black men/women are XYZ”, and people who are married but can’t stand each other. I had a laugh in my head the other day trying to figure out which familial predicament was worse, but couldn’t come to a conclusion on that.
I remember my grandmother telling me, almost cryptically when I was young, that I’ll be the one to “break the curse”. She talked about the relationships in our family that had gone sour for one reason or another, and told me that if I was smart, this would end with me. I’ve carried that conversation with me for years…and now I’m married, and feel like this is part of what she was talking about back then.
I have a younger brother and sister, and I’m determined to provide a positive example of what a happy, loving, and IN LOVE couple look like, because there aren’t many options out there for us in our immediate circle. I want to stay in love. I want to be respected and supported. I want a husband who looks at me with love and pride. I want a faithful and honest relationship. I want to be best friends. I currently have all of these things, and the plan is to maintain this and grow as life goes on.
Excellent points! Funny you mention this, I’ve been thinking about this from the opposite perspective….I come from a family with a legacy of marriage. Ha! Here I come and all that halts…weird, but I think it’s more due to choices I’ve made and the changing (read: desolate) dating landscape than anything else. I still understand your concerns though. Being able to recognize and appreciate the footsteps taken before you is very important and one of the major ways of ensuring you accomplish what you desire.
My parents divorced when I was one, but both were still active in my life. Mom never remarried, but pops remarried twice…he’s still currently married to his 3rd wife. I have 3 other siblings (2 in their early to mid-30′s) and none are or have been married before (my 2 sisters were once engaged at some point, but never made it to the alter). I do have quite a few cousins who married recently within the last 5 years and it’s going quite well for them thus far. I don’t think there is a curse in my fam, but more or less following societal norms I suppose. I have yet to marry or be engaged or anything. I was close once, but it didn’t work out.
But yeah, I feel what you’re saying, though..maybe it won’t ever happen….a self-fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one, lol. Nice goals you set for yourself, however. I’m sure you will do well accomplishing them.
My parents have been together for 30 years before my dad passed away, and were our example of marriage. In our family, we come from a long line of marriages, so the pressure was (and still on for my single sister) to find someone and have a marriage similar (or somewhat similar) to the ones we were surrounded by.
Whether it’s trying to break out of a pattern, or trying to forge your own identity, i think both instances it’s hard for a person to find their own way.