I know not everyone reading will be able to relate to this here topic. Many of us were fortunate and blessed to have been given wonderful families with supportive parents who love us unconditionally. And if you were not raised by your parents you had the nurturing love of your grandparents, aunts, uncles or other relative. Some of us were born into families that met all our lower level needs such as providing shelter, clothing and food to us but behind closed doors emotional havoc reeked. Your peers may not have been able to comprehend what you were complaining about or why you rolled your eyes at the mere mention of the family, but you knew. Some of us didn’t have the luxury of family stability and found love in a substitute family, and no matter what the blood test results revealed you will always and forever consider them your real family. 

Sometimes our family members can set us up to fall flat on our faces as full grown adults striving for prosperity. They may not be able to have a physical hold on us, but the slyly configured words of encouragement, the “do what I say not as I do” actions, the non-existent or contrived level of support, is all a part of the axe that is used to cut down your psyche and spirit DAILY. 

“The way in which a person loses their true goodness is just like the way that trees are destroyed by the axe. Cut down day after day, how can the mind, anymore than the tree, retain its beauty or continue to live?” ~ Mencius, forth century B.C. 

Honor thy father and thy mother, was drilled into a lot of our heads as we sat fiddling in Saturday/Sunday school. That also set some of us up to become manipulated by our wayward parents, if we indeed had them. But I tell anyone who decides to throw God’s words around when I get started on disabled life givers that God only helps those who helps themselves. 

If you want to stay stagnant like a big oak tree allowing the axe to chop you down on the daily in the name of honouring somebody who deserves to be spit on- that’s your business. 

Some of our parents need a stern talking to. Some of our siblings need to get roughed up. 

Remember : 

“People treat you the way they do because you have allowed them to do so, and you must take responsibility for how you have trained & educated people.” ~Talane Miedaner 

I have allowed myself for years, to stew and overcook on my father. I’ve dodged every opportunity to face his punk ass. This morning I asked myself “Bitch, what are you afraid of?” 

I really don’t want his approval, that’s like getting the class dunce to grade my thesis. I also don’t want to create a bond with someone who is weak, it’s a bad look, doesn’t compliment  anything in my Goddess Intellect armoire yet it prevents me from aquiring the essentials. I want to face him to ask him some questions and I want to challenge his manhood, well what’s left of it. I mean somebody has to. Somebody has to let this mofo know that the only thing he has to show for in life is that he planted the seed for a Goddess to grow. 

But really though, I want to get his side of the story, nothing more. I hate seeing my friends effected because of family drama, but before I can open my mouth and judge I really need to clean up my own backyard. So we’ll see. I’m a get the number and take it from there. I’m ready. Finally. 

“We are naturally attracted to people with firm and clear boundaries, and we can’t help but treat them with respect. Boundaries are also the key to true intimacy. Without boundaries it is impossible to be truly intimate because it isn’t safe enough. If you are at some level, worried about getting hurt, you’ll put up barriers to protect yourself or keep people at a distance.”

At some level we all have in place boundaries. This becomes evident when someone rubs us the wrong way or when we loose our cool and let someone have it. It’s evident when we distance ourselves from certain individuals; Its evident when we end relationships. We may not be able to automatically connect boundary to offence, but it is clear when things are not what they used to be in any relationship.

With part 3 of the establishing boundaries case study, we create a list of our top ten boundaries, we learn how to reinforce them, and how to let everyone know in a diplomatic way when they’ve crossed the line.

A few things to keep in mind:

• “You can’t change the people around you but you can change the people who you are around.”- the Jamaican movie Bashment
• “People treat you the way they do because you have allowed them to do so, and you must take responsibility for how you have trained & educated people.” ~Talane Miedaner. And YES this includes your family!!
• “Boundaries are not about controlling others. People will do what they want. Boundaries are about protecting yourself from others. When you inform people you are simply teaching them how to treat you.”~ Talane Miedaner
• “Everyone has different boundaries…Because people have different boundaries, it helps if you inform them of yours by gently telling them at first infraction. Do not wait. It is much easier to stay calm and neutral if you address things immediately.” ~ Talane Miedaner

I’m not going to share all ten of my personal boundaries, just because that would be boring! The subject of the case study is myself but I am realising that folks are doing the exercises-Thanks! For the purpose of the case study I have listed 4 of my top boundaries below:

People cannot take out on me feelings/issues that they have with other people

People cannot use my things without permission

People cannot belittle me or say things to make me feel stupid

People cannot waste my time

When you have a moment, jot down 10 boundaries you want in life. You can make them as basic as mine or specific, it’s up to you, I mean they are YOUR boundaries.

What now G.I?

I hate to put this out there but, when it comes to reinforcing boundaries men have an advantage over women in this area. It’s not because they are better than us, but they are conditioned to immediately call a foul- I think in some circles they call it being assertive

I know that I have a BIG issue with calling it when I see it. I tend to give second chances, let things slide, or make excuses to justify not having to “be mean”. Or I will be inconsistent with how I educate others in treating me.

The key to reinforcing the boundaries is timing and consistency. For example If your boundary is “People cannot interrupt me” you can’t give moms the benefit of the doubt and school your bestie, that’s two different lessons you’re teaching on the same topic. It should never be OK for a person to cross your boundary because of blood ties! Now I know I may get on heat on this one, because most of us will do anything for our parents or children, but a rule is a rule. God didn’t create two sets of the ten commandments now did he? And God’s boundaries are so strong that they’ve been in place for centuries…let that marinate.

How do I let people know “not to waste my time” without snapping on them?

The book suggests a four step communication model for establishing boundaries:

1. Inform: “Do you realize you’re yelling”, “I didn’t ask for your feedback”, “Did you ask me before borrowing my sweater?”, “Do you realize that you are 10 minutes late?”

2. Request: If after you’ve informed the person of the unwanted behavior they decide to continue, ask the person to stop. “please stop yelling.”, “I ask that you only give me constructive feedback”, “Please ask before you take my things”, “I’d appreciate if you showed up on time”

3. Demand or insist: If the message still isn’t transmitting, make your position known. “I insist that you stop yelling at me now.”

4. Leave: “I can’t continue this situation while you’re yelling at me.”…and bounce.

Now I realize this model cannot be followed to a tee when dealing with some of the SPECIAL personalities in this world we may come in contact with or with some of the boundaries I have listed. For example if someone is taking your personal belongings, you only need to inform, request then LOCK YOUR SHIT UP, you wouldn’t leave the room/closet open to allow for your stuff to be “borrowed”.

I support this model because its fair game, the other party is educated, you are being firm, a chance is given to reform and if they cant get with your regularly scheduled programming they will need to find another channel to watch.

Now when I’ve recently put this model to work I found that I’ve rarely had to go past INFORM unless I am dealing with a real asshole or simply because I let the shit slide in the past-real talk. I don’t know if its cause I got a psychotic look in my eye, but it has everything to do with the tone of voice I use. I can come across as rude because I am direct, my answers are short, and admittedly I tend to have attitude in the tone of my voice.

Anytime I let my built up emotion (which is why you deal with indiscretion at FIRST strike) take place of the four step model…I was done for.

How can you ask someone to stop belittling you if you are yelling at or belittling them? No matter what boundaries are on your list, they cannot be respected if you don’t educate respectfully.

PEOPLE CANNOT WASTE MY TIME

This a big boundary for me. I’m always complaining how I have time for everyone but no one has time for me when I need it the most. And half the time no one will know when I need it the most because I’m too busy sulking waiting for people to read my mind. So I decided to set the boundary that NO one will waste my time. Meaning that I will not feel pressured or obligated to show face at events I don’t really want to be at, I will no longer sit on the phone and listen to conversations where the other person is telling me upsetting stories, I will no longer invest time in a relationship that I see is going nowhere fast (no matter how much it hurts), I will no longer invest time in projects and people unless they take the imitative to invest in me.

Example of using the model:

I had a conversation with the friend who has an addiction, (please refer to post: I have aided an addiction) the other day. They went on about how they were constantly being “harassed by the police” and how they feel that everyone is against them. I listened for about five minutes, asked a few questions. Let them know that I care for them but those effin stories upset me and that I want to hear about something positive. I kept getting interrupted (another one of my boundaries) while giving what seemed like my Charlie brown commentary on this person’s lifestyle choices. They persisted with the bull, so I told them that I didn’t appreciate being interrupted and I don’t have time to listen to a broken record of stories involving police and illegal drugs and ended the conversation.

Did I feel guilty? Hell yea. I was shaking. But then I had time freed up to do more productive things with my day. I didn’t yell or use the exact words I wrote in the previous sentences.

I informed, I requested, I demanded, and left the conversation.

Its hard to stick with it and remain calm I wont lie, but I feel a sense of empowerment and I don’t feel drained or the same sense of frustration with the situation that I felt before.

I realize that the word count is massive this time around, but keep in mind that if you’re serious about the exercises, this is the type of post you will use more as reference material than anything.

Part 4: Next time around we get into Part Two of meeting core needs. We not only look at how I will meet my core needs, but using a male model, we draw out a plan for meeting his core needs as well.

Tell me something good,

Goddess Intellect

Note: If  you’re visiting Goddess Intellect for the first time we are dissecting and configuring our lives via case study & discussion. The material is from my life and the book The Secret Laws of Attraction by Talane Miedaner. This is part three, feel free to catch up by reading previously posted Part One & Part Two.

“What About Our Daughters was founded on April 18, 2007 in response to an Oprah Winfrey show entitled “After Imus:Now What” . The original purpose of the blog was to encourage Black women to organize to “Stop Funding Foolishness.” In other words, to use economic power to to impose economic sanctions on those who are producing destructive images of Black women and girls. We’ve evolved since then. Gotten some media attention, founded Blogging While Brown, Michelle Obama Watch, and proven over and over again that when men and women of character come together, we can change the world.

Unapologetic, Uncompromising, and Unbowed in defense of Black women and girls.”

Source: Whataboutourdaughters.com

Pretty powerful stuff. Automatically creates a sharp image in one’s mind of a relentless black woman militia, armed with spears coated with the venomous words of Sojourner Truth. Marching with torches in hand, burning all weaves in their path. Ok well dammit it’s not like that… or is it?

I enjoy reading What About Our Daughters to find out what’s new in the world of black women on a political and social level, very little of this in the blogosphere. Its apart of who I am and I make it a priority to know about any injustices, and issues that affect me directly, as a black woman.

This particular post caught my attention for two reasons:

a) I’m not the biggest Beyonce fan while sober: She’s beautiful, in my next life I’m coming back as her and girl can saaaaaannnnnnnngg, but you wont find me bumping the tracks or front row center at her concert. I’m sorry.

b) The quote at the beginning of the post: “If his status ain’t hood I ain’t checkin for him Betta Be street if he lookin’ at me”

It is incomprehensible why anyone who grew up in a middle class family/neighbourhood would feel the need to subscribe to, embrace and even on some level glamorize hood culture. I’m aware that the star-crossed lovers concept has been a popular plot line in theatre and literature for a minute now and I know, love overcomes all circumstances. I know..I know!

But to me it seems like more and more ladies are purposely taking trips from the cosy suburbs to the inner city to find that eligible bachelor with hood status who they can ride or die for. And if hanging out on the other side of town is not the protocol they are seduced by the imagery of the hood star.

In the movie ATL, New New (Lauren London’s Character) swore she was hood from the crown of her head to the sole of her feet, but had Rashad (Rapper T.I’s character) drop her off miles ahead from her Buckhead palace.

I mean her character was in high school and we all get like little mice scurrying to fit in with the “cool clique”  within those four years but it’s 2010 and I’ve been out for nearly 10 years! What’s with these grown ass women toting around their boy from the hood as if he were a new Luis V joint? Seriously. I’m here trying to run out of the hood while folks are trying to run in???!!

I know we are living in a society where no one with celeb status wants to accept the responsibility of being a role model, but newsflash, we are all living and breathing role models. Everything we do is under the radar whether or not we are conscious of this fact. Would I feel comfortable hearing my younger sister or future daughter saying that they would pass up a man who doesn’t have an element of street in him? Hell no. But as long as they are bumping tracks with this propaganda, subconsciously that’s what’s up!

Nice guys may finish last, but silly girls get played out the ass. Who are you checking for?

Questions for discussion:

What are thoughts on “If his status ain’t hood I ain’t checkin for him Betta Be street if he lookin’ at me”?

How do song lyrics and artist image influence your musical preferences?

Does mere acknowledgment of “negative, degrading” lyrics make the influence of them obsolete in your mind?

Prefers mental connectivity over mailing address,

Goddess Intellect

Needs=Needy?

Kick that mentality to the curb!

To have emotional needs is human. Everyone has needs. Those who don’t appear needy have simply figured out how to fulfill them. If you want to attract people and opportunities to you, this is well worth working on as you’ll unknowingly be repelling the very people you most want to attract. One of the laws of attraction: If you don’t need it, it is easier to attract ~ Talane Miedaner, The Secret Laws of Attraction

The very reason I selected this book and area to base my case study on, is because much like the Art of Seduction, attraction or attracting is not limited to the love and relationship arena. As I reveal my top four emotional and personal needs you’ll find that the unmet portion is evident not only with the fellas, but at the 9-5 or amongst our friends and family.

If you were not about to take the quiz @ emotionalindex.com (cue to take it!) I’ve listed the needs the book discusses below. There are different ways to uncover your needs, if quiz taking is not your thing get a second opinion. The boo or close friend may be able to identify your top needs better than you can because the interaction is almost daily. You may also try the “what you do for others approach” which I found worked for me to a degree. At times we will do for others what we subconsciously want others to do for us. I know that for example, I love giving people gifts, especially gifts that promote pampering whether or not it‘s the individuals’ thing. Save for a couple of times, I rarely receive what I give. You ask me what I get for Christmases and birthdays and its usually not a list of big ticket items or a spa date.…you’ll find out why in a few.

List of Needs:

ACCEPTED, LIKED, ACHIEVE, APPRECIATED, VALUED, CLARITY, CONTROL, POWER, HEARD, COMMUNICATE, INDEPENDENT, INTEGRITY, LOVED, CHERISHED, LUXURY, ORDER, PEACE, BALANCE, RECOGNIZED, RESPONSIBLE, RIGHT, SECURITY, SAFETY, SUPPORTED, TOUCHED, USEFUL, NEEDED, WIN, WORK.

Goddess Intellect’s Top Four Personal & Emotional Needs:

Need for Control and Power: This surprised me, as I consider myself easy going and not really a control freak. But as I read the descriptions and issues of unmet control/power needs, I found myself in agreement. Because I have been controlling all aspects of my life for awhile (living independently, caring for a sibling), I find it difficult to relinquish control, reach out for help and delegate. Ironically this leads to burn out, which is not really fulfilling the control/power need in the first place.

Need for Clarity: Yea I’ll ask you a million questions. It may seem like an interrogation but like Marc Anthony I NEED TO KNOW. I refuse to go to a club without knowing who the Dj is, if I’ll get to fly past the line etc. Even if I don’t like your answer ,complain and go along with the ish , deep down I’m happy because I KNOW what the plan is. In relationships I found that me not KNOWING where I stand (i.e. title) was something I could not escape. It bugged me, gnawed at my insides and leaves me an absolute emotional wreck in the end when I find out that I didn’t actually stand anywhere but alone.

Need to be Appreciated/Liked/Approved of: I like compliments, words of encouragement and positive people in my circle… i.e. The blog fam. I’ve always known that this need in me was strong, but I went about fulfilling it in the least fulfilling ways with somewhat negative people. I find now that the attraction of the negative experiences and personalities was a result of my neglect to first fulfill the need myself.

Need to be Supported/Taken care of/Encouraged: As I mentioned above I give 100% support and loyalty to those I care about. I baby younger siblings/relatives, I make a big deal of loved ones’ somewhat small achievements, and I push everyone I know to perform at their highest and best. when it comes to fulfilling my need to be supported, taken care of and encouraged I often feel guilty about asking for it or expecting this, so I don’t in fear that I will come off as demanding.

Looking back at the list, I found that out of the four needs two were taking a backseat in my journey thus creating conflict and frustration on my end.

The need to be supported/taken care of and encouraged & the need for control/power.

When I looked at the results of my quiz those needs made me feel most uncomfortable. I associate control, power and being taken care of as somewhat negative. When in actuality my neglect of fulfilling those needs made them all the more negative in my mind.

Whether or not you’ve taken the quiz, are there any needs you identify with on the list? Any needs people gave you their opinion on that you don’t agree with?

Do you have needs? (trick question)

Part 3: The first step to fulfilling your needs

You still with me,

Goddess Intellect

In the vlog I discuss two topics:

Inbox drama

Minimogulmodel syndrome

I also invite you to join the non-stop social networking party on Facebook —> Goddess Intellect

As I mentioned in the video the link to Sunnydelyte’s blog post—> Excess Baggage

I had fun doing this…I may do it again.

Please feel free to leave your thoughts & feedback.

I’m Shy,

Goddess Intellect

I took the time with my second reading of The Secret Laws of Attraction to actually complete the exercises in the book and I want to share this information with you in application to my own life via miniseries- yey!

Miedaner believes that issues in relationships/life stem from unmet needs. Once we are able to identify our top needs, we can then establish boundaries, and work in conjunction with ourselves and others to meet these needs, gain respect thus becoming more appealing to others.

This is an area that I have enjoyed discovering (my needs). I took a questionnaire in the book that basically asks the reader to identify with certain situations. If you didn’t identify with a particular idea in a question you skip it. I went through about 100+ scenarios and ideas, scored myself and came up with a list of my TOP 4 NEEDS.

Now, I’m going to make this perfectly clear: The exercises will require more than 5 minutes of your time to do. If you have any doubts in your mind about the exercises, or the material, don’t bother, stick to the gossip blogs or my lighter material. My life hasn’t miraculously changed as a result of these exercises but I understand myself and what I need from the people in my life to improve the quality of my life a lot better than before.

So you ready? I don’t know about y’all but I was born ready. I invite you to take the questionnaire for yourself emotionalindex.com (right sidebar on the site) Brings me back to the seventeen magazine days when I took all the  “Does he really like me?” & “what does your style say about you?” quizzes I could take.

Part two: I will reveal my top 4 needs and reveal the ones that are unmet.

Bringing Blogging to another level,

Goddess Intellect

Exhibit A: Giambrone is one of Toronto’s 2010 Mayoral candidates,

Exhibit B: McQuarrie is Giambrone’s long time partner (ride or die woman)

Exhibit C: Kristen Lucas Giambrone’s 20 year old fresh outta sweet valley high on the side chick who recently came out to expose what the news is calling their “inappropriate relationship”.

Scandal, politics, boring right? I mean this ish is becoming a common occurrence, so why would I want to hurl the tabloid boomerang this time you ask?

Giambrone claimed that the relationship was non-sexual and Lucas claims that she was told to keep the relationship secret and that it was indeed sexual. Copies of explicit text messages between the two have since surfaced confirming that their relationship was indeed sexual. Lucas even claimed that her and Giambrone smashed on a couch at City Hall. Excuse me?! I just threw up in my mouth a little.

I suppose my beef isn’t with any of the players on a personal level, my issue is with secret relationships.

Most of the time, maybe nine times out of ten, its women who get caught up and agree to become involved with a man who wants nothing to do with them in the daylight or public. I mean that’s cool and all if you are a goddamn owl or nocturnal creature , but DON’T GET MAD and WHY GET EVEN when you come to the realization that you are nothing but a bottom B.I.T.CH?- PLEASE!

Its 2010, and there are still grown educated women functioning as owls who justify a secret relationship as being a fulfilling spontaneous relationship. Why should your love be a secret? If it is indeed love. On a subconscious level we know whether or not we’re playing ourselves. Sometimes it takes a lot longer for the subconscious to transmute this information to the brain, mainly because emotions get in the way.

I’m not taking sides, I think everyone involved in this scandal is mildly retarded, even McQuarrie- dude obviously has commitment issues, girl wake up!

But the funny part is that while I want to hurl bricks in a dark alley at these folks, I’ve taken out my pocket mirror to see that I have probably played every single role in the past that these folks currently find themselves in. I’ve been the naive little girl thinking I’m special, on the low, or the commitment phobe selfish mofo that was only out for self gratification, and yes, even the choosing to be blind settling-for-half-assness woman.

My questions for today: Agreeing to a secret affair or hiding secrets of infidelity in the back of your mind have you been there? What is worse?

How do you feel about Lucas putting Giambrone on blast? Is this something you support or shake you head at?

Update: Giambrone is no longer running for Mayor and has resumed his position as City Councillor, Toronto Transit Commission Chair….damn son.

Too fly to be nocturnal,

Goddess Intellect

I’m up a little too early on a Sunday but that’s all good, I’m excited! I’m single on a day that celebrates love and togetherness, but coincidentally I’m also single on Chinese New Years which according to tradition is a good thing, because single folks do not have to give out red envelopes with money- MO MONEY MO MONEY MO MONEY. Side note: I am part Chinese, I don’t just play one on TV. Thanks. 

I like the fast pace, I enjoy keeping busy , and at the moment I’m also enjoying being single. 

As I religiously checked my Facebook status updates I noticed that along with the usually plethora of hearts and well wishes from the legally loved, there were a few hating status updates with classy saying such as “Fuck Valentine’s day”, “this shit is so commercial”, “Fuck yo couch” etc. 

Maybe if this were 2009 or 2008, I’d be able to cheer this negativity on, but its 2010 and being single, last I checked was not a form of condemnation, so I‘m celebrating. 

Who says that you need to spend valentine’s day the way Nestle or Tiffany & co want you to? I’ve had a few special valentine’s days but nothing over the top or memorable. Growing up my mom would always make us her valentines and buy us chocolates. This may get a few “awww that’s sweet” but what she did was very significant because it taught me one thing- to create my own traditions, thus my own Universe. 

I’m all in support of a day set aside that we can show love towards others, commercial or not- I love, love. 

Today is even more special to me because this year Valentine’s day falls on the same day as Chinese New Years. Today we enter the year of the Tiger: 

The Tiger is the third sign in the Chinese Zodiac cycle, and it is a sign of bravery. This courageous and fiery fighter is admired by the ancient Chinese as the sign that keeps away the three main tragedies of a household. These are fire, thieves and ghosts. (Source: yearofthetiger.net) 

Fire, Thieves and ghosts. Metaphorically speaking some of us have allowed these elements into our world, and may have done nothing or wanted to do anything to rid ourselves of them. 

Some of us may have allowed some one to steal our happiness with their bullshit behavior, set flame to a dream or goal we may have wanted to accomplished or we may have even let ghost of relationships past haunt us, fucking up a perfectly fine relationship prospect- T.R.U.E S.T.O.R.Y 

You may not be of Chinese descent (although I’m sure if traced back far enough one could argue Chinese are of black descent) but if you have not already, start again and regroup. Have you already found yourself sliding back into old destructive patterns? Are you living to your highest potential? Are you associating with lopsided ball-brained mofos? Start fighting for balance happiness and success TIGER STYLE! 

To my single peeps, please get off the couch and stop moping! If you cannot treat, love and pamper yourself , how in the hell do you expect someone else to do it for you? 

Later on today I will be meeting up for Dim Sum with a few of Toronto’s most gorgeous women (I’m included) to celebrate love, new beginnings, and success. Make your own traditions..its better that way. 

How will you be spending your valentine’s day? 

Anybody inspired to go out and celebrate Chinese style? 

Tiger Style, 

Goddess Intellect 

I recently found myself in the passenger seat of an ex boyfriend’s car. I knew how the situation would play out. From the lyrics he would whisper stanza by stanza breaking it down with a hypnotic rhythm and bass in his voice that would pulsate deep into my eyes straight through down to my spinal cord. I predicted the direction he would plot the take down, moving in on the right, sneak a kiss etc. I knew he would raise my body temperature with the mere mention of the photos still hidden on his hard drive. I leave a lasting impression what can I say… however I blocked every attempt possible. 

2010 so far is not the year of Freak-um for this goddess. She has a lot of work to do before she can share her sweet kisses and leave lasting impressions that do not just involve increased blood flow to particular body parts.  

Its not enough to make my body temperature rise, spine quiver and loins ache anymore..feel me? I don’t think it ever was, but it sure was a deciding factor in how evenly my affection was distributed.  

I’m so used to running back to what is familiar, even though what is familiar may have hurt me. I am not ashamed to admit this, however that’s a cycle I cannot repeat if I am to be successful and fulfilled in life.  

Any dangerous cycles you find yourself repeating over and over?  

Ever put yourself in a situation you knew was all wrong just to test yourself? Or am I the only crazy bastard in blog world?  

This weekend your girl went to church for the first time since 199_, yea, I know a looong time. Ok, that’s not completely accurate, I’ve been to church in the new millennium but more as a representative of myself, than by will. See I don’t count showing face at Christmas or for a baptism or funeral as attending church, just cause most of the time your mind is focused on the celebratory aspect of the service than the actual purpose of attending church- to serve the Lord.I am not the biggest Jesus groupie, just because there are aspects of Christianity that have me puzzled and second guessing myself but there is no denying that there is an unseen force that sustains and propels us to accomplish great things. As a spiritual, not religious person, get it right, I have faith that this force not only lies within us but in all things surrounding us. 

Faith in myself as a person capable of all things is being challenged and reinforced as of late. I’ve been so comfortable settling for what is quick within my grasp. For example I’ll have a glass with water from the night before on my nightstand. I really want a cold refreshing glass of water, but I’ll just settle for yesterday’s lukewarm water because I’m lazy and don’t want to get out of the warm bed.    

Although I’m not being wasteful by partaking of the stale ass leftover water, I am being wasteful, because I am withholding from myself thirst quenching satisfaction…can I get a….   

 Service and the sermon moved me, to say the least. I shed a tear as two sisters who had just returned from Haiti shared a testimony of how their family emerged from the rubble without scratches. Their faith in the Lord was strengthened as a result of the tragedy. If I had not previously connected on an emotional level with the Haitian nation, I did that day.    

The Purpose is greater than the individual    

I was so used to growing up and hearing sermons delivered about burning in the fiery pits of hell if I did not give my heart to the lord. Disliking the phrase “fearing God” and the scene from the Simpson’s where the devil eternally fed donuts to Homer in hell I began to position myself as far away from all the hallelujahs and Holy Ghost smitten speaking in tongue folks as possible .    

I don’t want to fear anybody or anything. Fear keeps us from discovering and learning. And that fear I was taught over the years repelled me from the church.    

I sat in the pews that Sunday giving the minister 110% of my focus. I willingly surrendered my beliefs (grew up seventh day Adventist) and opened up my heart and mind for that hour and half.    

What I got was not the scripture twisted and manipulated to make me feel as though I was a rotten jezebel who needed to repent or burn eternally. I didn’t feel intense guilt for being out of the pews for years. I didn’t have life flash before my eyes making me feel a deep sense of failure. I felt like getting up and fighting. Not fighting anybody in particular, but fighting for …….my purpose.    

We’re all here to fulfill a purpose I don’t care if you’re Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, atheist or if you worship Lady GAGA…you are here for a reason.    

• Challenge all pre-conceived notions about who you are with gentleness and respect.
• You cannot rely on others for approval
• Set goals above reach of people and circumstances so that when they attack they cant reach them.

The purpose is greater than the individual    

What is your purpose?    

What does this statement mean to you?    

Religious, spiritual or neither?    

Still on the fence,