Love it or leave it! Tell me you love me? If you love me you will blankity blank blank and show that blah blah blah. Girrrrrllll, you know if he cared he would only [insert action] and do [insert other action].
If you leave him, he will realize what he’s missing and come crawling back…they always come back!
Ya I’m done with the neck-snappetry. I know as a woman I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come across the phrases I listed above. It’s been programmed into my head that it has to be my way or the highway in a relationship. I believe this mentality is what causes the ultimate loneliness. It’s comparable to the toddler who has just learned the word no and repeats it after every question asked although he or she may not know what the hell “no” means. Toddlers enjoy seeing the reaction of their parents and testing limits. Toddlers know that their parental figures have a limit and even when they are scolded, pull a tantrum and recover they feel secure because the parent is not going anywhere.
This works in the wonderful world of a toddler, but can this methodology assist a grown ass woman in her relationship? With the pulling of a tantrum and other methods of verbal annoyance can she in fact snag the man of her dreams?
The difference between the Toddler and just your average basic chick is that the toddler is aware there is an order and level of respect. Although it may be tested it is never crossed, after discipline the parent resumes interaction with the child, balance is temporarily restored.
I compare ultimatums given in relationships to a tantrum. Most ultimatums are given so that the partner, usually a man, proves his affection for the woman by submitting to her will. I have yet to hear of or experience a time when an ultimatum is given and a man suddenly realizes what a great woman he has standing in front of him and submits.
In fact he is usually turned off and become defensive, not because his feelings are not genuine for the woman but because a) the real issue is not being openly discussed (ultimatums are one-sided discussions) b) ultimatums are a form of negative reinforcement.
If a man tells me to wear a blue skirt on our date or he’s leaving me, I am not going to all of a sudden panic and put on a blue skirt. I’m going to want answers to the questions I have in my head and my ears will shut off if I don’t have the opportunity to compromise or discuss the matter. Unlike the toddler each individual has the choice to bounce when given an ultimatum and by giving one have basically opened the door for your partner to leave.
In relationships we may have many questions that we demand answers for, an ultimatum will not get you a favorable one. Treat others the way you want to be treated even though at that moment you are not getting the response you desire. Just a little something I had floating at the back of my mind hope it finds its way into your relationships
Have you ever used an ultimatum in a relationship? What was the ultimatum? Have you ever been given an ultimatum? What is the best way to get your partner to do something you want?