There is this old adage that says something like, “why buy the milk from the cow if you’re getting it for free?” *rolls eyes*I used to shake in my boots thinking that is the end all be all in dating world but it’s not.
I think that saying once applied back when the world only saw in black and white, women were petrified of speaking their mind and had only one purpose in life- to get married and become man’s property.
It made sense. If you’re only goal in life as a woman was to snag an eligible bachelor and get married you want to make sure you are competitive. You keep your goodies in tact, don’t forget to master those domestic and child rearing skills. You wouldn’t be caught dead shacking up let alone touching your husband to be.
Fast forward to 2013, some of us are unwed mothers, divorced one or two times or just not in the headspace to get married when we meet our significant others.
Affection is poured out via text messages or subliminal Facebook statuses; all in all, the wonderful world of dating has changed. Your success in the dating game has little to do with how closely you abide by grandma’s teachings but more so in your ability to be a quality life partner.
We live under a highly stressed society that teaches us that the more we work, the more money we bring in therefore the better we are in life. Some of us are struggling and can barely keep our eyes open when we get home. As a result I believe our relationships are naturally under a lot of stress.
For those of s who have steered away from the traditional marriage model only to desire it again after living with a partner for a few years, I do believe you are just as worthy to have your “milk purchased” just as your pseudo virginal counterparts.
I may even go so far as to say that a man has a more accurate depiction of married life when he’s been living it with you for years.
Now, this can go left very fast. If a woman has allowed the game of playing house to last rounds and years, then what message does she send to her partner?
She sends the message that, a) I am ok with being you’re live in domestic and play wife b) You are free to do what ever it is you please, I will be here regardless.
If that, as a woman, makes you feel safe and secure- then you don’t have to read the rest of this post.
If that, as a woman causes you to get that empty pit feeling in your stomach well then it’s not ok.
To desire something that previously did not matter to you is called growth.
It upsets me when judgment is thrown at women who are a few years in to a relationship and are wondering where the ring is. Why should she be in less eligible to tie the knot than a woman who has lived apart from her partner? Yet the assumption persists.
Let’s not focus on the past so much, there is no time for that right now. If you want to know if your relationship is heading to marriage there’s a way to ask that will give you all the information you need to know.
- Your goal is to ensure that your partner understands why marriage is important to you. He may agree or not but at least when you communicate this to him, you’re on the same page. Make a list of reasons marriage means a lot to you.
- Present this list to him in a conversation.
- In the conversation again your goal is to ensure he understands (not agrees) with why marriage is important to you.
- After presenting your list, another thing you want to do in the conversation is to appeal to his natural instinct to lead and make decisions in the household. Let him know straight up….”I need some direction from you on where this relationship is going. I see you as the leader in this relationship and right now I don’t feel secure in it.”
- Takeaways: You are not manipulating or nagging. It’s direct you get to the point and its easy for him to understand.
- You may not get the answer you want. It is then your decision on what steps to take next.
If marriage has become important, its better for you and your partner to get this conversation over with so that no one’s time is wasted or taken for granted.
Please keep in mind these suggestions are for women who have put in some time in their relationship, 2 year and more. I would advise that you get to know your partner down to the toe jam before sparking such a conversation.
But this is just generalization, in the end you are the boss of your life….So, what’s next?