Hey everybody! First off, Happy Thanksgiving to all my American GI readers, I’m grateful for each and every one of you *kisses* Secondly, its official, the Holiday madness is in full effect. This means parties, gatherings, liquor, food, more food, gift giving, last minute shopping, mistletoe, snow and all that good stuff. I opted out of our company party this year and have decided to fill my social holiday calendar with networking events, networking OUTSIDE of work. I’m sure I’m not alone, with the market still in a period of uncertainty, many of us need to get our hustle on. Hustle outside of the 9-5, hustle to be able to think outside and beyond the box. I’ve been to a few holiday parties in my lifetime, I think its safe to say we all have, every year I catch folks acting the fool, mistaking the holiday party for the club.

Soooo…I’ve conjured up a list of STOP. Think about it’s for the Holiday Party:

•  Excessive drinking: there probably won’t be another opportunity for you to blame it on the goose, if you decide to OD on the Jesus juice. Drunkenness is frowned upon. I know I’ve spent some hours in a pub restroom before at a farewell party, it was not cute.Tipsy, giggly bubbliness if acceptable and encouraged.
• Excessive eating: hoarding food, stacking up on freebies…can be done if you’re a skilled ninja like I am, but otherwise pace yourself..please.
• Excessive talking: Everyone likes a social butterfly, but nobody likes a Debbie downer douchebag. A group conversation is not to be mistaken for a group therapy session. Ok we know this is the most people you’ve been around in awhile, but dammit no one needs to know all about your after work hobbies, the old raggedy cat that you substitute for a child or your overbearing mama…No. One. Cares….pass me that bottle.
• Excessive complaining: 8 out of 10 people don’t like their jobs. I’m one of those 80 % but god forbid we spend an evening of corporate freeness to talk about what ends for me weekdays @ 5pm on the dot.
• Excessive lateness: I am a hypocrite to the tee when it comes to this topic because my life revolves around apologizing and making excuses for being late- yea I said it! Try not to be more than ½ hour late for a work function. Fashionably late is only reserved for moi?!
• Excessive T & A exposure: The fellas will disagree with me on this one, but ladies, be ladies. Instead of exposing flesh, tease, tantalize and leave your pristine curves to the imagination of all. Holiday parties are for the most part not club parties…don’t wear a whore’s uniform to an office event. Minis are in, but so is hosiery!
• Excessive hood: This is actually for the fellas. I know there are a few men out there who work at places with no formal dress code therefore their wardrobe is not filled with Hugo Boss, Armani delicious GQ type attire…that’s cool, but whats not cool? Oversized button up shirts that when tucked in looks like a sack with buttons, khakis, du-rag, excessively baggy anything…learn about wool-blends, cashmere, starched shirts, ties, scarves, leather soled shoes and if you’re with me- Cosby sweaters.. I’m a sucker for them!!!
• So you think you can dance: I know not all of us are rhythmically inclined, I don’t know how that feels, sorry. But take a hint from the movie Hitch and don’t overdo it. A little two step with a slight bounce is cool. No need for the wave, awkward jerking or pulling a female by the waist over to your gold mine…k fellas? Be gentlemen and ask for a dance..k?…k? And ladies no need to bruk out in the dutty wine, hot fuk, or any dancehall moves that got you on the floor or in a headstand…save that ish for the bashment and/or house party.
• Herbal refreshments: If you’re like me, you have a hard time turning down any free herbal refreshments a.k.a weed, ganja, reefer etc., when in party mode. If you must, take a drag or two farrrrr away from the location of the holiday party, MID PARTY, but that’s all. Moderation not deprivation right?
• Team Building: I’ve never been attracted to any of my co-workers like that, and If I have (Freak um Friday?), I’ve waited until they were no longer with the company, but we are all human with different levels of self control. If you must do some “team building with a team member”, make that shit discreet. I don’t even encourage office relationships but hey…to each his own.

How am I doing? Any holiday party tips to add? Any stories?

I carry mistletoe in my bra,

Goddess Intellect