For many, this holiday season was not nothing short of magical. In Hollywood, three household names popped the question, LeBron “Ring jokes aside” James, Michael “People die over my kicks” Jordan, and John “Where is Kanye when you need him” Legend. Perhaps at your family gatherings, a cousin, or sibling may have dazzled the family by proposing to their true love. Maybe your former do or die girlfriend came back from vacation sporting a new rock. Whatever the case may be, if you’re reading this, you are most likely be feeling a little drop of jealousy or panic from hearing the good news.
Don’t worry, you are not alone! Whether you are patiently waiting for your long time love to pop the question or growing tired of endless dinner-for-one nights, engagement envy is something that can get the best of us, especially women, at times. Generally women go through bouts of engagement envy because we’ve been conditioned to believe that marriage is this magically pixie-dust-coated rite of passage and what- socially acceptable. Generally men have mental and emotional asthma attacks at the mere mention of marriage. Their boys send them condolences and prepare to spread their manhood ashes and pour some Henny over it at the bachelor party. Men are more adept to take their time to feel out the situation before taking the leap of faith.
That’s great and all, but I’m sure it does very little to abolish a nagging case of engagement envy. I have yet to go down that road (marriage/long-term commitment) and can not possibly think of that man asking me for my hand in marriage at this point in our relationship. It’s not because I don’t feel he is the one or shy away from matrimony, I know in my heart it’s just not time.
I have clear cut goals and aspirations for my life as an individual in which I revel in the ability to control them. My advice for anyone who is allowing engagement envy to affect their lives in any way is to re-shift your focus back on the individual goals, which is something you can control.
There will always be things in life that are beyond our control. If you are upset because you feel as though you should’ve been popped the question ions ago well then I’ d have to ask you: a) What other aspects of your relationship need your attention? B) How would your relationship be different if you got engaged?
If you’ve spoken your piece, and let your partner and/or the universe know your intention for marriage believe me honey they have heard you. Ultimately and honestly, the best way to overcome engagement envy is to practice patience and compassion, because I promise you the best is yet to come.
Family, I want to know what you think!
Have you ever dealt with engagement envy? If so, what triggered it.
Is marriage important to you? Why or why not?
Do men deal with engagement envy?
Originally written by yours truly for Hello Beautiful.
Beginning February 2012, I will be offering a special 5-week online workshop “Overcoming Fear of Commitment”. To find out more information and register please connect on twitter @goddess_I or send an email to: contact@goddessintellect.com.
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Engagement envy cracks me up. I’ve been married. Believe me, there’s nothing to envy. Just enjoy being single, because when you get married, that’s when the real work of life begins.
not to be rude, but that’s easy to say when you’ve been there/done that.
im an event/wedding planner. so im surrounded by love/wedding/marriage.
for the most part, im good and dont suffer from the envy.
but there are times and days….when i regret walking away from the man that wanted to give me the ring/his name/the world.
it may not be everything, but to be someones wife (and eventually a mom) is something that i want. when you seem to be so far from that, or when it seems to constantly elude you – it’s can be sometimes hard to deal with.
all i do is try to push the negative thoughts aside and hope that genuine joy will begat me the same someday.
My cousin is getting married and April and I couldn’t be more excited. Actually in the past year three of my female cousins have married (one is in April). I am not envious because honestly I don’t want to be married anytime soon but I do wonder if their sisters, friends and other relatives feel some kind of way about it. I may ask.