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How To Handle The Ex Lover’s Sudden Return

I’m convinced that from the day after Christmas up until approximately two weeks before Valentine’s Day it’s International Call My Ex month. Ok that is more than a month but hopefully you get my point. It’s the coldest, darkest (well at least in Toronto) and loneliest time of the year. Some of us get caught up, we’ll answer the text message or accidentally pick up the phone and get spun back into our ex’s web. We may even take it a step further and hook up. It may be the opposite and you start feeling every emotion at once- angry, mad, sad, happy, proud etc. They’ve managed to prey on your weakness once again.

Bottom line, not all of our exes leave us and move on. Many of our exes think that because the formal relationship stuff has come to an end they somehow still have their name on an imaginary lease to our heart.

I tell all my readers and will continue to tell them, an ex who pulls a disappearing act in your life once and calls you up weeks or months later is not to be taken seriously. They will have a wonderful testimony of how they see the light and have changed for the better but the best thing you can do is congratulate, forgive and keep it moving. I say this because I know you were on the come up before the text message or call hit, I just know it.

Every time an ex lover who has done us dirt comes back in the picture whispering sweet nothings in your ear it’s a test to see if you are SERIOUS about moving on to bigger and better. Each time you go back, answer the phone or text, respond to “How are you?”…it’s feeding into the idea that you don’t want things to change.

How do you break the habit? I’ll tell you that it won’t happen in a day but you can start today. There is no easy quick fix solution to getting over an ex but here are 3 things that you can implement the next time an ex comes around with his manipulative mess.

  1. Do not engage in conversation: This means text messages or phone call. A reply gives hope, a reply means that you are not over him/her, a reply is another way of saying,  “Yes continue to play around with my mind, body and soul. Can I fix you something to drink while you’re at it?”
  2. Quit feeling guilty: You have most likely responded in the past because something the ex has said or done made you feel guilty about wanting to cut him/her off. Get over it! They don’t feel an ounce of guilt about reappearing in your life weeks/months later.
  3. Do not negotiate: This is assuming you will break #1 in the process of “detoxing” (don’t beat yourself up). Often we try to negotiate with the ex lover who has now promised to come correct, it’s a lost cause really. Again they have your hopes up and a way of manipulating you. Yes you may be communicating your needs and wants to them but they have yet to show you consistency. Negotiating with an ex lover who has never shown you respect or consistency is like going to a health food store in search of a can of coca cola- a waste of time, that’s not what they sell.

It’s 2013 and I need you to be stronger than ever before. I need you to trust your gut, look beyond the way the ex lover once made you laugh or how great they are in bed and see the big picture. If this person reappears in your life and you suddenly feel like a weak emotional wreck then you know what time it is.

As always I read and reply to all my letters and I’ve noticed that this is an area where more support is needed. It’s just enough to read my blog post and go out in the world thinking that you will be fine.

The struggle of “detoxing” from an ex-lover is real which is why I’m hosting a private 2.5 hour chat Sunday Feb.17th at 7pm. It will be information & exercise intense. We’ll get to share our personal stories (including my own) and learn ways to “detox” from ex-lovers. Class is only $25 and it comes with a recording. I only have 10 spots open so that we can all have a chance to vent & share.

To sign up or ask me any burning relationship questions email

Upcoming Events:

Dating Event (Toronto)- March, 1, 2013

Battle of The Sexes (Oakland, CA) April 2013

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Goddess Intellect

Relationship Coach at Goddess Intellect
Telisha Ng is the Creator of Battle of the Sexes Show, and Goddess Intellect. You can always find Telisha offering fun wisdom and sound advice on relationships. It’s her mission to bring men and women together for love, respect and flirtatious freedom to make the world a better place.
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  1. CCB (Reply) on Wednesday 6, 2013

    This happened to me yesterday… I did answer his call but I spent a lot of time laughing in his ear. Even so, you know he has me tempted right… Back to Step 1!