I Have Aided an Addiction
Sometimes we have to put ourselves on trial, I know I have lately. For what? Wellllll, I have recently come to terms with the fact that a close friend of mine has a drug addiction and has been performing sexual favors in exchange for drugs and money.
I am beyond heartbroken at the reality, but the cracks are quickly being sealed with logical cement.
I’ve spent countless hours strategizing, lecturing, and unfortunately aiding this addicted tortured soul. I haven’t handed this person drugs, pimped them out, or degraded them in any way…but when this person needed a little extra cash, I would give it to them for helping me out with an errand thinking that they would learn about and feel a sense of responsibility. In the past couple of years I found myself saying no more often then yes, when this person requested bus fare or extra pocket change from me. However much to my demise, our mutual friends fall victim to the charm and childlike quality of this person and will hand them a $20 bill, just cause.
Your honor, I am guilty of aiding an addiction.
Not too long ago I attended an informal intervention for this friend, took time off of work, and waited as this person, well aware of the hour this meeting commenced, took their sweeeeeeet time to wake up and join everyone else.
I wasted precious hours of my time that I could have used for a vacation for this selfish, blubbering, manipulative, downcast, yet centre of my heart fool to arrive and say all but two words to all who cared.
The swarms of vultures that this person associates with on the daily weren’t there, this person’s deala w’ant there, this person’s RIDE OR DIE partner w’ant there. I was there. I boldly looked this person in the eye and said “This will be the last time I attend a meeting for you”.
How does that make me feel to know that I aided an addiction? It makes me feel like I have been given the responsibility of letting others know that constant handouts to anyone, blood or no blood, friend or no friend, helps aid an addiction. The addiction may not necessarily be to substance abuse, the addiction may be one to shopping or an addiction to the wrong types of men or unhealthy relationships. Even sitting on the phone for too long with an individual who is falling from grace and slowly deteriorating, to me is a form of aiding an addiction.
I will NO LONGER sit on the phone with a grown individual who knows they need to change and continues to follow a destructive cycle. I will NO LONGER open my wallet and give a goddamn dime to someone who doesn’t have the integrity to know that they hurt everyone around them with their actions and that they need to change. I WILL however, be taking a leaf from their book from now on- I’m a do me at any and all cost.
To some this may be considered “turning my back”, but sometimes when a situation is out of our control we have no choice but to save ourselves the energy and let it be.
Think about a time in your life where you made a decision to detach from an unhealthy situation? What drove you to make that decision? How did you feel afterwards?
Do you find that you often go out of your way to help others but never receive the help in return? If so speak on it.
The best way to help others is to help them help themselves,
Goddess Intellect
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Doing for others as been my M.O for years and its something I just recently started to fall back on and pick my battles more wisely. It’s true, friendship isn’t an unlimited duty to be present for bullshit. There is a limit to everything and to harm yourself and drain your energies on another person’s negativity when they themselves do nothing to help is a losing battle.
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I don’t believe you are turning your back. You did more than anyone else for someone who wasn’t a blood relative. Sometimes you have to step back and asses your “position” e.g., enabler. You have to be conscious of the role you are playing and act with sensitivity & awareness. For folk that don’t wanna change, I limit my responsibility & gradually detach myself. I sleep very well afterward.
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I also don’t believe you are turning your back, you are only human and can do and take only so much. Some of these people only bring negativity into other people’s lives. It’s hard to be around them because all they do is pull you down and make you feel bad when it’s not you it’s them. I agree with the men, we have to limit our involvement and choose our battles more wisely.
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This is something I’ve learned:
Sometimes you have to love a person from a distance. And that can mean walking away from them or their drama. And, despite the guilt you might feel, it’s alright to be okay with doing that.
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Nik Reply:
February 2nd, 2010 at 4:03 pm
“Sometines you have to love a person from a distance.” Oooh JeLisa, couldn’t have said it better myself.
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goddessintellect Reply:
February 3rd, 2010 at 9:22 pm
A warm welcome to you JeLisa..I’ve been e-stalking you..your blog has such beautiful photos!!
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Don’t feel that way GI. I totally agree with what Jelisa said. Sometimes you do have to love from a distance. Stay strong girl
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Your not turning your back. You’re letting that person know that you love them too much to watch hurt themselves.
I help a lot of people without them even so much as offering to help me in my time of need. And it’s not that I do it just for that.
But it truly suck to know people are that generous to help you, and then turn around and always have there had out.
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Sorry yall I’ve been reading the comments and I appreciate the feedback. I havent for one sec regretted the way I’ve acted. This year many will find that I will love them from a distance…literally.
The day I wrote this my spirit moved me to wake up at 4:30 am to crank out this message because I feel as much as its something we quickly state we will not take part in just as easily we can fall victim to the cries of others. Its hard not to help someone in need. Its diffcult to dicipher the true motives of those who have mastered the art of manipulation.
Blood, history and circumstance..all the things we’ve been taught to value when it comes to the people we care about mean nothing when an addicition is in the way.
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We all go through this at one point in life. I commend you for being brave enough to say NO! Sometimes that one simple word is so difficult to say. Loving your friend from a distance is so smart of you. It may be hard for you some days but just know it’s the best for you and your friend. That way they can seek help.
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[...] had a conversation with the friend who has an addiction, (please refer to post: I have aided an addiction) the other day. They went on about how they were constantly being “harassed by the police” and [...]
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