I Say a Little Prayer
*steps off the pulpit*
*takes out the fan*
*takes out the kerchief*
I’ve been crying so much that there is a red circle around my eyes and its just burning. I’ve never cried so much in all my life. I have been in emotional agony for nearly a month and finally things came to a conclusion.
Hold up….Conclusion?
Yes, in a nutshell I bared my heart for someone and they were unable to reciprocate the way I had hoped. They took their time to think about what they wanted and what I meant to them and for this I have the utmost respect. But I’m angry of course and hurt.
I hesitated to post this but, I honestly don’t give a fuck at this point. Its my blog, I started this so that I could have some peace of mind, so I could comfort myself , soothe my pain and at the same time celebrate all the wonderful emotions and views on various topics in life. I am always in the position of the comforter, advice giver, support, gotchabackgirl, but when it comes down to it, with the exception of a few wonderful folks *blows kisses*…I only have myself to turn to in times of trouble.
It’s the eve of Christmas and although I’m not so religious, as much as I am spiritual, the holiday does have significance. Everyone stops working, pauses and takes time to reflect, to give, and to be with their families.
I’m trying so hard to get myself together for the festivities, but even as I write this, a few more tears have fallen.
I write this, not for pity or attention, but truly so that I can look back on it next year and look at how far I’ve come.
I don’t regret a thing.
If this year and if he has taught me anything it’s no matter what other’s responses or reactions are to you, make sure you bend for nobody. Make sure that your most important requirements for an ideal mate are met and you do your best to reflect the type of person you want to attract. And even with other aspects of life…bend for no one, compromise, but strive for a win-win situation.
“A heart that’s pure won’t be denied”- Teedra moses
Its great to have fun and see where a relationship could go in the beginning, because let’s face it to be tied down at first glance is not always the best route, but be honest when you feel an attachment and you feel reciprocation is necessary.
I secretly pray things can change between us; there is bond between us that even words can not describe…if you read this blog on the regular you know this. But more importantly I pray for strength, the strength to stick to my vision (blog & project relocate) in 2010, and the strength to be strong for my family. The strength to continue to help others through this blog & charity work, the strength to live and not be afraid of sharing myself and feelings with others.
Blog fam: what’s your favorite remedy for heartbreak? Any thoughts on reciprocation of feelings in relationships? Religious or not, what are you saying a little prayer for these days?
Answer my prayerrrrrr,
Goddess Intellect
Lastly but def not least:
Merry Christmas to you and yours from the bottom of my heart! Thank you so much for reading my thoughts and I hope you will continue to visit in 2010 and beyond…
Big plans:
- Your girl is going to conquer the literary world- trying to get my foul-language-in-yo-face self into column writing & get cracking on that book!!! Any tips & pointers please hit me up I’m open!
- Blogging While Brown Conference 2010: We going hard for BWB in 2010! Just got word that the conference will be held in Washington D.C next year, I hope many of the blog fam & DC readers will come out party, discuss & network
That Facebook fanpage: when I stop sniffling and dragging myself to go visit various folks I will get to work on the fan page and let yall know.
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Glad you got that all out. I always liked to write and express my feelings on paper (or screen) after “heartbreak” it lets me see my feelings digest and move on. Time heals so I know you’ll be ok. Keep ya focus and all will play out as it’s supposed to.
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goddessintellect Reply:
December 24th, 2009 at 11:39 am
Thank you. I will try to keep focused.
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Blogging is definitely one of the best ways to get through things by gaining new perspectives. I had a rough patch this year, but my friends, blog, and blog fam really helped through it.
I spend a lot of time with my friends, they are the sisters I never had. We have dinner at least once a week, so when I’m hurting that doesn’t stop. I don’t isolate myself, I continue the dinners and my life isn’t interrupted. We talk about any and everything and they tell me to get over it because I’m worth better. No hurt feelings, these heifers love me and I love them. I also listen to music, turn it up, sing, and dance and I read a lot.
I found out yesterday a family friend with two small children is sick, she has cancer. So that’s what I’m praying about now. I’m praying that she has a successful surgery and recovery on Monday. So those of you who are religious and pray often, please include the K family in your prayers.
Prayer changes things!
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I don’t think there is a remedy for heartbreak….
But remember The Person U Seek is the same Person Seeking U
I am praying for Knowledge, Wisdom, and Understanding
Don’t worry… We Got U!!!
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I hope you find the answers you are looking for!!! You expressed yourself very well. I am not sure how to overcome heartbreak but I know you can overcome it. I think you took the first step which was somewhat talking about what you are feeling!!
Like the guy above said We Got You!! Keep praying as I will do the same!
[Reply]
Hi E~Bestie,
“I am always in the position of the comforter, advice giver, support, gotchabackgirl, but when it comes down to it, with the exception of a few wonderful folks *blows kisses*…I only have myself to turn to in times of trouble”……
The story of my life and I am not proud that this is what I can identify with. It’s actually sad to believe that we only have one’s self to turn to in time of need for emotional support. *Sigh*
As for what is my remedy for heartache? Well, I don’t have one aside from Working out. It’s my stress reliever and I let out ALL of my frustrations when I run and dance……it REALLY REALLY REALLy works, yet I need something more.
You see, I don’t deal with heartache very well, atleast not the emotional pain aspect of it. I justify heartache in my udnerstanding that there is a lesson to be learned from it all, YET I would much prefer having the ability to get over heartache MUCH faster than I do now.
Best of wishes on a great 2010 New Year! Luvs ya! MUCH Respect!
Forever Fabulous,
Dame
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P.S. I was going to E~*Wipe Tee’s Tears* yet, let those tears flow….let it out. Let it ALL out…… it’s only temporary. Just ensure not to cry in vain.
Forever Fabulous,
Dame
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I agree with these comments. Blogging has help me and just talking to folks who actually listen.
Blogging helps you express freely without feel of the facial expression we sometimes get from our “friends” and the “I told you so” look. God I hate that one.
Prayer gets you through a lot. Pray for understanding. Because they things we experience in life help us grow into the people we need to be and it makes us stronger.
Keep Ya Head UP!!
~sunnydelyte21~
[Reply]
TeeTeeB
I don’t know the remedy for heartbreak but I couple shots of Tequila and a night out with your favorite Canadian/American sista (moi) will take your mind off your pain (for at least a few hours). lol
I’m sorry that this happened two days before Christmas because the holidays are suppose to bring joy and happiness. Its suppose to be filled with love and laughter not tears and sorrow.
You are a very strong person and if it takes you blogging to let out your emotions then thats what you do. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise and I know this might sound cliche but there are other fish in the sea.
~Nikkii
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Goddess, you have to check THIS out;
http://theobsidianfiles.wordpress.com/2009/12/31/something-really-new-debunking-the-myths-as-to-why-successful-black-women-cant-find-a-mate/
Brotha thinks he’s “layin’ down the gauntlet” on why why successful black women can’t get hitched.
[Reply]
goddessintellect Reply:
January 2nd, 2010 at 1:09 pm
what a waste of a blog.
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Let me jump in here. Heartbreak is a tough thing. We all go through it at some point or another. The measurement of yourself is how you re-establish your life. Sure we all could go OJ but do you really want to be televised in a slow chase..down the 405? LATE.
[Reply]
goddessintellect Reply:
February 12th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Since this post I’ve manned up significantly..in fact I think I’m sprouting a pair of smooth as egg balls- metaphorically speaking of course.
LOL @OJ comparison
[Reply]
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