In my journey to happy healthy relationship land I’ve had to make a few commitments to myself in order get “into the space” and really manifest my intentions. Each time I’ve made a commitment to myself to do better, a test will come along. If it was easy to set an intention and stick to it without facing challenges, we would all be crunk off Peach Ciroc 24/7, hopping from city to city in private jets, with pet monkey sidekicks and money leaking from betwixt our butt cheeks. HUH?
Since we all have unique life experiences and lessons, living that run-on sentence of a lifestyle I mentioned above is not realistic or even desired.
I decided very recently that I was going to put an end to any lingering relationships, as in the ex who wants to be friends. Now don’t get me wrong I have one ex-boyfriend who is a close friend who I’ve had business dealings with but that is because we are better friends and teammates then we are boyfriend and girlfriend. Besides this special relationship, the rest to be quite honest are flaccid penis useless.
I don’t believe it’s beneficial to keep “almost doesn’t count” folks around. Almost doesn’t count is the title of an old Brandy song that I love and relate to, check the video here if you have time. I strongly feel that people, who almost made the cut, don’t deserve to be a part of your life. Before you start with me, this is because most of the time the only reason they want to be a part of your life is because they have failed to detach from the past in some way and perhaps guilt or other negative emotions could be overwhelming them.
When I wrote the post, “Trying to get Closure on a relationship makes life harder than it has to be” I mean it. If you are in the position of attempting to remain friends with an ex-lover, I have to ask, what is it you are trying to maintain? Closure is received the moment shit crumbles, it’s when the flow of normalcy has been broken, and closure is a tricky word that puts your behind automatically in the past and quite frankly- It holds you back from BETTER.
People who are unable to make contributions to your progress in life, and play on your weaknesses instead of enhance your strengths need to be removed from it in order for you to move forward. Closure is something you are in control of, not something you need from a person.
I have forgiven myself for failure in relationships and I forgive all who have in any way wronged me, its 2012 let’s keep it moving already.
Have you ever maintained a friendship with an ex? What is this friendship like?
Are there any relationships in your past you have regrets about? If so, why or why not?
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I won’t deny that I have seen OTHER people have poor relationships with their ex’s. I reckon (I’m southern) that I have simply been blessed- as I have a great relationship with all of my ex’s. I think people muck up and choose poor mates in the first place. I was blessed to have several great women in my life- all of whom were more mature than myself. Hell, my wife has friended them on facebook, and invited them to our wedding- one came (of course that could be a case of, keep your friends close, enemies closer) I think all of these women viewed the past as time spent- not time invested.
Honestly, I don’t see anything wrong being friends with an ex, but in my case, if you’re an ex–you’re an ex for a reason. I don’t see me being friends with someone who I never really had considered a friend before.
Also, it does your future relationships a disservice. You can’t expect to move forward especially if you’re okay with holding onto the past. The next person in your life will try to be cool with you friends with your ex, but it will always get under you new boyfriend’s skin.
First off nice post.. I believe every situation is different. I have healthy relationships with my ex’s. Probably because im real careful with who I involve myself with. Sometimes relationships end because two people are going in different directions, and im not saying one direction is better than the other, but it just may be better for each individual. I believe if we are mature adults thete is no reason we cant be friends. To me thats what growth and maturing is all about. Now if your relationship ended crazy then yes would have a different outlook, but as I said everybody situation different. Do what works for you. Nice post
I think that in some, very rare cases, it’s nice to maintain a friendship with an ex. For instance, if children are involved, it’s important in order to be good co-parents. I think it’s also possible to remain friends with an ex if you were good friends BEFORE you became lovers. This is the case with me and my ex-husband. We were extremely good friends before marriage, and continue to be very good friends despite the marriage being over. Other than that, I do NOT maintain friendships with the “almost doesn’t count” guys that I’ve made the mistake to have had in my life over the years. What would be the point, right?
I agree with you. People really believe when a relationship is over, they need to now find a new place in their life for the person. That is not always the case. Sometimes, there are no other places for them. Their place was lover and nothing else fits. I reallllly do not understand even wanted to be buddies with someone who hurt you.
PURE GENIUS!
I’ve tried to put an ex in the “friend” box after it was all said and done. But, in the end, as someone said above, we weren’t “friends” to begin with.
Allowing an ex to linger in my life is simply letting them somewhat reap the benefits of something they could not and/or would not maintain, a relationship with me.
You are completely right! Why do it? Just move on.
Good Post!!!…Ive got some thinking to do….