Yesterday I had two revelations about marriage that I must share with you all. I had an associate blurt out, “Telisha, don’t ever get married” while he grudgingly packed up his belongings to go home to….his wife. I cracked a smile. I had been told this by a few men of several occasions, “Atta girl, stay single” yet they were frantically heading home to the…. “evil” wife and always made reference to things they do together. One even got real with me for a minute, “I don’t know anyone else who could put up with me. I go home because I want to be there.”
I giggle when I hear the outbursts, well after the men are far from my view anyway. “You big babies,” I think to myself, “love is written all over your frustrated face that’s why you hurry home.” You’re allowed to be frustrated with the people you love from time to time. If I haven’t exploded on you at one point, it can’t be love…sickening, I know. I have little insight to the men’s quarrels and issues however I know that actions speak louder than words and an unhappy man does not rush to be home in time for dinner.
My other revelation came yesterday as I read the story of a woman from Brampton (a part of Toronto) who was left heartbroken doggy paddling in a swimming pool of tears upon finding out that the man she married and sponsored from Cuba left her only a few days after landing in Canada. I smirked and shook my head when I read the story’s headline. “Another one bites the dust,” I thought to myself. I was raised in a Jamaican household, its common knowledge and part of your upbringing that you do not sponsor or marry someone from the islands unless you are being paid handsomely for it. That’s not love, it’s a business transaction.
I smirked and judged then suddenly got nervous. This cannot be the fate of all foreign-Canadian marriages, not when I have loved ones in the same situation right now fighting to bring their partners to this country. I’ve experienced the temporary high of being with a man from the other side of the border but never experienced anything as serious as marriage.
I have to memorize your finger print pattern in order for us to get married son! I’m only kidding, but I know for a fact that the men I spoke of earlier who warn me never to get married were not clubbed over the head and dragged into their wives’ lair. The men took their time and knew what they were getting into and although they vent (and I find it funny) to me on occasion they go home, they plan vacations, they remember anniversaries, they provide. They are men of honor who generally take pride in their roles as father and husband.
I can’t say the man who deserted his Brampton bride was a man of honor, in fact what he did was cowardly, but let’s be real…honey chile was not using her womanly smarts either. Women rarely do when they are in love with a dream.
These revelations have reinforced to me that when I marry it’s to build a strong family unit and experience passion, abundance, joy and yes hard times being a part of a solid team. That’s what marriage means to me, a single woman (no ring yet), at the beautiful age of 30. I can’t wait, but until then…….
What are your most current thoughts on marriage- Is it something you are for or against? If you are married did you have any fears before getting married? If so please tell me about them.