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Mate Copying: The Reason Single Women Find Married Men Appealing

I attended an event on the weekend called “Grown Talk” which is similar to Battle of the Sexes except it’s more intimate and exclusive. Men and women sit on opposite sides of the room and there is no panel, instead discussion questions are selected by moderators and directed at each side of the room. I really enjoyed being a part of the audience for a change, no running around, no pre-show diva-isims or fits. I enjoyed it so much that I said nothing. I sat and observed, laughed, clapped and took it all in.

I loved the conversation, we spoke about a variety of topics responses were at times straight forward and other times very passionate. Marriage, natural hair, celibacy, dating folks with kids and then…..married men.

A question was posed to the women, asking them to explain why women find married men attractive. I never really get shocked by anything but two women responded by divulging that they would consider a rendezvous with a married man.

I literally had to pick up my jaw from the floor. Why did this shock me? I wrote an article about this phenomenon before, I am well aware that “why do I attract married men?” is one of the most searched for topics on this blog…it had suddenly come to life. I heard out of not one but two women’s mouths that they would seriously consider dating a married man. Is it even considered dating or just f*cking?!

Naturally when I’m knocked on my butt with that much realness I go digging. Affairs don’t happen unless two parties are game. Game to sneak and get a temporary high off of the scent of infidelity, but then it ends. Once you leave the crime scene and the husband gets cleaned up to go back home you become someone irrelevant. The appeal of this will forever remain a mystery, but I tried to understand and avoid judging (It’s hard though!) and this is what I learned:

Women tend to choose mates based upon the opinions of their peers, this is known as mate copying. When I first read about mate copying I was like, “ummm no, not me”, however studies conducted at the University of Louisville, Kentucky suggest our attraction for a potential mate increases when our peers show attraction or approve of him. If others approve or find him attractive this must mean he has something of value or in other words he is a quality man who can provide and hold it down.

This explains why certain men in Hollywood become sex symbols even though their looks tend to be average; it’s a package deal we look for the looks, the ability to provide, wealth, charisma, confidence etc. If we come across someone with the whole package, even if it’s someone else’s package, the level of attraction increases.

I get the mate copying theory however what causes a woman to take it to another level to actually fornicate with someone else’s mate? I strongly believe there are many available ring-less single men who are capable of being excellent providers, lovers and supporters. Dating a married man is like relationship suicide, you’re simply not in one, and he is which means you’re essentially on your own.

The adventurous sex, the myths that he is not satisfied at home and you’re the only hole that can satisfy his unquenchable thirst- BULL. The thirst in unquenchable but it’s not all the sex in the world or a mistress that will quench it.

If you’re considering a rendezvous with a married man I hope that you will reconsider woman-up and try dating. Try getting out there and meeting men, only accept into your life men who are willing to offer you more than sporadic meetups and adventures, men who are not afraid to become emotionally invested. You’re going to come across men who are the opposite of what I stated above but you must persevere until he comes strolling into your life! I believe its fear that drives women into these convenient high-risk relationships, fear of being a lone, fear of committing, fear of having a listless life- a reality that does not have to be unless you manifest it.

Relationships based upon trust, honesty and loyalty last, relationships based on convenience, lust and dishonesty do not.

Why do you feel women date married men? Do you believe that it is wrong to date married men and women, why or why not?

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Goddess Intellect

Relationship Coach at Goddess Intellect
Telisha Ng is the Creator of Battle of the Sexes Show, and Goddess Intellect. You can always find Telisha offering fun wisdom and sound advice on relationships. It’s her mission to bring men and women together for love, respect and flirtatious freedom to make the world a better place.
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  1. HLBB (Reply) on Monday 28, 2013


    I don’t believe in the “mate copying” theory.
    I truly believe that confidence is a powerful aphrodisiac. A person achieves certain goals that they’ve set out (job, girlfriend, weight) and their confidence increases. That confidence is projected and others respond to it.

    So when guys state that the moment they got boo’d up, the women came out of the woodwork, it’s simply because they’re interacting with women differently. There’s an air of confidence; they no longer have to “try”, because they have a wife/girlfriend.

    This applies to people, but for the sake of this post I’ll state this: there is nothing sexier than a confident man.


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