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Myth: Men Are Not Willing To Court Women Anymore

A few recent conversations combined with intense web surfing had me thinking for days on the topic of courting. After reading an article on how courting was virtually non-existent in the new millennium I had to figure this thing out for myself. Is courting a thing of the past, an important yet overlooked element of dating, and are men willing to court a woman nowadays especially with the influx of hit-it-then-split-it relationships?

Courtship is defined as the period in a couple’s relationship which precedes their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an agreed relationship of a more enduring kind. In courtship, a couple get to know each other and decide if there will be an engagement or other such agreement.

The keywords here are agreement and relationship. I’d like to think of courting as window shopping, with the responsibilities of a woman being a store owner to dress her windows to attract new clients being men. Traditionally men are given the task of wooing a lady, be it through gifts, taking her on exciting outings, impressing a woman’s friends and family, basically immersing himself in her life. If he is successful then an offer is made and an agreement may take place, followed by a relationship.

Fast forward to 2011, most of us are too damn hasty to receive and accept a courtship of any kind. And even if we are being courted we tend to question and over analyze a man’s motives, instead of going with the flow throwing the game out of whack. Divorce is becoming the new marriage, sex the new commitment, and the internet is substituting communication.

I know that I have had relationships where I qualified talking on the phone everyday for a month as getting to know one another, or even worse, worked backwards by putting sex first hoping that courtship would follow with pixie dust and confetti. Don’t get me wrong, sex and talking on the phone are elements of healthy relationships, but not the foundation.

Getting to know the person you’re dating involves discovering a person’s values, hopes, dreams, secrets, strengths and weaknesses. That builds trust and a solid foundation. Men are willing to court, they’ve told me, but why go through the trouble if a woman’s window arrangement is chaotic. Think about it now, when you go shopping are you likely to toss clothing around in a store with expensive prices and immaculate presentation? Probably not, in fact you’re probably ready to go into debt to get that new bag or shoes, but that’s another topic altogether! Make sure you are the most sought after person in your world. Men are willing to court a woman, but women must allow themselves to be courted. What is your definition of courting? Is courtship still important in dating even if the goal is not marriage?

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Originally posted on Hello Beautiful

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Goddess Intellect

Relationship Coach at Goddess Intellect
Telisha Ng is the Creator of Battle of the Sexes Show, and Goddess Intellect. You can always find Telisha offering fun wisdom and sound advice on relationships. It’s her mission to bring men and women together for love, respect and flirtatious freedom to make the world a better place.
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  1. edie jones (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    yes, even when the objective is not marriage, coutship is still important because it is the initial process of getting to know a person.

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  2. JSin (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    This is a great topic. Personally, I believe that men do still court ‘real women’. What do I mean by ‘real women’?! I mean that there are so many women who are willing to give up the goodies to men SO QUICKLY that courtship doesn’t even come into play. It’s almost like they say “Hi. I’m attracted to you…wanna have sex?”

    This is absolutely ridiculous. Societies sexual habits have gotten out of hand, in my opinion, and as a result it changes many of the dynamics when it comes to dating, courtship and maintaining relationships. That is why I believe men do still court women, but they only court the women who make it a necessity because they refuse to be disrespected. Personally, that’s the kind of woman I want. I don’t want a loose woman who I only have to smile at. I prefer a woman who wants me to show her that I care and that I’m truly interested in pursuing something meaningful with her.

    You know I hate to plug my blog, but you should really listen to my first podcast episode. We discuss a topic that closely relates to this from a number of different perspectives. Myself, Jen Diva and a friend of mine, Wyza Now discussed not only whether a woman should consider approaching a man, but how she could do so successfully. It’s a very interesting discussion.

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  3. johnboy007 (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    Very few women I would consider to court as you define it. To many women are hung up on there own drama through there phones and other electronic gear to be bothered with tradtional courting. And these women I find to be rude and will stop dating them. No courting as tradtionally defined.

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  4. absolutely right (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    so many women are just so ROTTEN as it is, so meeting a GOOD DECENT ONE has become impossible nowadays. most of the women today are VERY UNEDUCATED, and now many of them have THEIR SHIT DON’T STINK OF AN ATTITUDE, making it a lot worse. it is really hard meeting the RIGHT WOMAN to get MARRIED too, let alone meeting one to date. i can’t BLAME MYSELF, since i did nothing WRONG on my part. the problem today is that there are just too many LOW LIFE WOMEN NOW.

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  5. dave (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    - Absolutely Right – Maybe things ARE changing in that women are being forced to make more of the approaches nowadays and that men gain more value that way. I hope that this is true!

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  6. John (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    Have to agree with the comemnts from the guys above. These days it’s all about the woman taking and the man giving during courtship. Even though we are in the days of equal rights, we still operate by one-sided dating rules that are hundreds of years old. With the way women and their attitudes are today, it makes for much effort with very little reward and just isnt worth it. I’m 34 and gave up dating and ever meeting anyone when I turned 30 due to these reasons. I now lead my life in favour of pursuing my own goals and I think many men are doing the same. I’m sure there are some nice women out there but they are in such a minority that it’s not worth trying to find them.

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  7. dave (Reply) on Wednesday 27, 2011

    John – Not only have men decided that this “game” is not “worth it”, it has left really good guys out there who had grown up hoping to train themselves to be good husbands and good fathers.
    I think that the game will change and that men will have more value.

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  8. […] year I wrote about courtship still being alive and well in the new millennium. I defined it and compared traditional practices […]

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  9. […] year I wrote about courtship still being alive and well in the new millennium. I defined it and compared traditional practices […]

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