goddess intellect

We all know of, are closely tied to, have been or have heard about the friend who to be very blunt..keeps f*cking up his/her life. Some of the world’s most beloved train wrecks are millionaires, entertainers, people we may even indirectly financially support *whispers* Rihanna *smile*. I don’t even know if I can single out an individual for this post I think I just did that but can I tell you something? I have been there.

I was that friend who had breath wasted on, was constantly lectured about deserving better and to stop selling myself short. I was the friend who covered my ears but nodded my head at the same time. I was the friend who responded with, “I know…so true…but at least I”, then proceeded to wade knee deep in the foolishness afterwards.

Fortunately those patient ‘professors of life’ are still riding with me *friendship fist pump*, but believe me we had moments of distance. I’m talking months and years.

It’s a non-western cultural thing, especially for women, to run to a friend’s rescue and go well out of their way to help when they are in need. There are many of us who get burnt out because we do so much for others without seeing any returns of those favors. We then become resentful, guarded, unhappy..blah. Now don’t get me wrong, I believe that it is way more satisfying to give than to receive however where do we draw the line?

The concept of giving, to me is radically different than enabling. It’s fine to be a shoulder to cry on at times. I don’t see any ramifications with slipping a twenty to a single mother whose baby father may have ‘forgotten’ their child needs to eat, and it can’t hurt to offer a lift to the airport.

Enabling is like feeding someone who has an internal exam to write, the answers. We all remember our teachers saying, “You can ask questions about the exam, but I cannot give you the answers” right? Well the same principle applies in life. So your friend is a train wreck, hoochie in remission, a walking talking doormat, a master manipulator, a certified mooch, or an ungrateful sweetheart…wonderful.

Your duty as a friend is to be just that a friend, not an enabler, not the one who  aids whatever emotional addiction that person has yet to overcome. It’s hard to see the people we love struggle and believe me I know the gut wrenching feeling…but can we try something different this generation? Can we teach others how to pull themselves up emotionally, so that they not only respect themselves but the others around them?…Just a thought.

Have you ever found yourself in a friendship where your energy was drained because of their antics?

In your experience what is the best way to cope with a train wreck friend who is resistant to change?