Confession: I’ve never had a rich boyfriend. Confession: I’ve never been rich…not in this life anyways.
I recently discovered that deep -seeded fear of what would happen if one day I inherited a truckload of money. My ideas and party mantras are disgusting. I have an imagination that runs non stop and the attention span of a 3 year old. Perhaps I’d invest in a Sea World and become a recluse like Howard Hughes living in the park only coming out at night or have nightly dinner parties with foreign guests, using dinner napkins lightly scented with Chanel no.5, possibilities are endless ….. ??!!
I was always told to save my money but never how to do it. When I start to save some life altering challenge comes through on a unicorn and I’m forced to go back to square one.
I take too many risks and have even had to walk to and from work for one week in the past because of my antics.
I’m sick with it, and sick of it.
When I heard the new Nicki Minaj track last Friday I was like oh, ok, the 2014 version of No Scrubs- nice. Mini Battle of The Sexes here- pow! Her cat eyes, the killa curves, the machine guns- lovely.
I get it. I get that a lot of us have had our share of men who wish to turn us into a younger version of their mother. They skip, hop and jump over fences of hard work and dedication foolishly buying into lavish raper lifestyles that have been fabricated and exaggerated anyway, but you find this all out when you’re about…31 years old
HOWEVER. It’s not just men, as much as women are being enrolled and packed into colleges like sardines it doesn’t mean that we aren’t lacking in some areas of tradition too.
Who really has it all together? There are LV-toting divas with mangled credit scores, illegal credit cards and dirty money. There are millionaires with dirty criminal records and underwear to match. I see you.
I realize that the likes of “Looking A$$ Ni$$as” and “No Scrubs” are club anthems built upon basic frustrations amongst genders, that compliment the dark alcohol laced dwellings and its patrons, but let’s explore real life for a minute.
From all the married folks I’ve done impromptu interviews (I ask them a lot of questions) with NOT ONE expressed being in the best financial situation when they married. IN FACT, they chose their partner based on the fact that they were supportive of their growth and constantly pushed them to reach their goals.. oh and love.
The issues expressed in No Scrubs or Looking A$$ are not just money issues, they are accountability & respect issues. There are going to be times when you have to be completely and utterly vulnerable about your finances with your partner and if you’re like me you’ve been supporting yourself for a very long time so that can be huge threat to your ego.
One of the hardest moments I’ve had to experience since my “lifestyle change” is when my boyfriend unknowingly went out and put groceries into my fridge. I was and am grateful but I felt like a loser for days after and I was to close to bawling my eyes out when I opened the fridge.
One day your cash flow, “job security” and investments could disappear. One day flossing in the club will not be as important as matters of the heart.
I think a lot of us have had broke moments whether that be financial or emotional. When we are dealing with the real world, love is not always going to come to our doorstep in a perfect 6 figure income package.
However love also shouldn’t be allowed in our homes with lies and fake identities. Real attracts real. To swear off men who don’t make bank limits your happiness, to swear off men who don’t make bank and have no ambition will probably give you less headaches!
At this point in the blog post you’re probably upset with me for even getting this far without listing the benefits of dating a broke man.
That’s because I don’t want you to go out and look for a, “let’s shack up so you can put all my bills under your name and pay them” man. I also don’t want you to get caught up in your longing for a companion and become a grown man’s mother, playing house and wasting time.
I simply want you to laser focus your love life on aligning with men who have the same values and goals…and y’know what? That might look like a credit score that needs rebuilding, someone who is in between jobs actively looking for the right position or an artist who is bending over backwards every day to get his work sold in the gallery.
What is your definition of a broke man or woman?
What does potential mean to you? Is it something you automatically see in someone due to their current actions or is it something someone proves to you?
Should you be responsible for the financial well-being of your partner? If so in what way? If not, why?
Comment below or tweet me @goddess_I with your answers!
Feeling unsure about the relationship you’re in? Have you realized that your non-title relationship is getting you no where? Read a free sample from my new book, “Friends With Benefits: The Grey Area Between” to learn how to successfully transition from friend to girlfriend.
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