One of the biggest dilemmas an active dater will face is choosing one lover out of a group or out of two that they want to devote more QT to. This usually happens when a good friend of mine called “feelings” comes into play. The thrill of the chase is the ultimate high for many of us. Whether you are being pursued or taking on the role of the pursuer, there is a chemical unrest that happens in the brain, I’m certain of it. A handful of us stay in this mode for a longer period than others, but we won’t touch on that today, Let’s just stick to those who are ready to sign the deal.
So, you’re tired of multi-tasking and it has come down to two. 9 times out of ten the two pawns on the board know nothing about each other. And I think this is why there could be so much pressure when having to make such a complicated decision. Would it be easier if we were well aware that we had a little healthy competition?
I was once faced with such a decision and it came down to a few things: security, independence and how I felt after spending time with them. Unfortunately this list will be different depending on the individual and your goals. I was cool with both men. As far as the aesthetics were concerned everything was on point such as the chemistry, sexual compatibility and common interests. I found that I had to dig deeeeeeper to finally come to a decision.
I was forced to think long term, I was forced to think about something other than instant gratification (challenging ha!) and I had to think about what I needed in a partner, taking both men out of the equation for a minute. It never seems to end with me, I’m always referring back to this imaginary list of values in my head and it helps me every time.
I finally made my decision, and because I don’t want this post to drag on and on and on…I’ll share with you how you can make your decision tomorrow!
In the meanwhile…
When dating multiple partners is it a good idea to let them know you are seeing other people as well?
Have you ever had to narrow down your choices? How did you come to that decision?
Beginning February 2012, I will be offering a special 5-week online workshop “Overcoming Fear of Commitment”. To find out more information and register please connect on twitter @goddess_I or send an email to: contact@goddessintellect.com.
When I was dating, I was upfront and honest about it. I told them from the beginning that I was seeing more than one person, because I didn’t quite see it as dating anyone yet. If you want to date me, you gotta say something, or else I just think you’re just feeling me out.
For me, if I like them both equally, I guess what would affect my decision is who would make a move first. In my case, my husband did. Rest is history.
I think you should tell them both or however many up front. That way they will know and they may be dating more than just you. Just keeps people from getting their feelings hurt.
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