The Guilty Tease
I recently found myself in the passenger seat of an ex boyfriend’s car. I knew how the situation would play out. From the lyrics he would whisper stanza by stanza breaking it down with a hypnotic rhythm and bass in his voice that would pulsate deep into my eyes straight through down to my spinal cord. I predicted the direction he would plot the take down, moving in on the right, sneak a kiss etc. I knew he would raise my body temperature with the mere mention of the photos still hidden on his hard drive. I leave a lasting impression what can I say… however I blocked every attempt possible.
2010 so far is not the year of Freak-um for this goddess. She has a lot of work to do before she can share her sweet kisses and leave lasting impressions that do not just involve increased blood flow to particular body parts.
Its not enough to make my body temperature rise, spine quiver and loins ache anymore..feel me? I don’t think it ever was, but it sure was a deciding factor in how evenly my affection was distributed.
I’m so used to running back to what is familiar, even though what is familiar may have hurt me. I am not ashamed to admit this, however that’s a cycle I cannot repeat if I am to be successful and fulfilled in life.
Any dangerous cycles you find yourself repeating over and over?
Ever put yourself in a situation you knew was all wrong just to test yourself? Or am I the only crazy bastard in blog world?
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“Ever put yourself in a situation you knew was all wrong just to test yourself?”
You are one crazy heifer. Lmao, no you really aren’t, but do you really go with the whole “let’s see if I can resist” mentality? Or do you do it without knowing?
It’s funny, I’ve turned down coffee, lunches, dinners, etc with members of the opposite sex because I didn’t want to put myself in a situation. It’s not that I’m afraid I’ll be weak, it’s because I don’t wanna hurt their feelings, but my “rejection” for lack of a better word, leaves them feeling hurt anyway. *SIGH*
[Reply]
goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 10:05 am
Yes I am clinically craZZzzYyy..
I dont feel guilty turning anyone down usually, this time was no different..I really think I was just bored and wanted to kill time smh @ my actions. Idle hands do idle things…back to work!!
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Nik Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Haha, I still heart u G.I. Crazy and all. Lmao…yes idle hands. We’ve all been there at one point or another.
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Hmmmm…….so THATS what you were up too while down here? O_o
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goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 10:02 am
I never mnetioned a date, location, or time throughout the post yet you came to that assumption Mr.Nightfall….in-ter-es-ting lol:p
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Nightfall Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 10:25 am
Riiiight.
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goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 10:48 am
uh huh
Nik Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 5:14 pm
Nightfall + G.I.= Hilarious good times!
goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
He just wants me to spank him…naughty Nightfall tsk tsk!
You owe me a lunch date!!!
~ Life’s a bitch and then you die; that’s why we get high
Cause you never know when you’re gonna go; Nas ~
IDK why i thought of that when i read your post….
I think that is what we as humans do repeat “dangerous” cycles, until we finally get it and change… But I believe that is also what makes us human…
Those choices are what contributes to our experiences and wisdom….
We all a lil’ craZZzzYyy
[Reply]
goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 10:59 am
For a min I forgot I was human…thanks for reinforcing that Roderick! lol
I’m glad you grasped the method to my madness. I dont think I wanted to necessarily get a booty call, or “play games”, although it may appear that way at first glance.I think subconciously I needed to catch myself repeating a cycle,look at it and put out the fire…yea umm I know there are others way I could have gone about it..but I didnt….Nothing I do is by the book smh
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I’d definitely have to say most people can be guilty of putting themselves into that situation. Guys usually do it unconciously without much regret (until we get caught!). But women usually, like you did, feel the regret or the uneasiness of the situation before, during AND after! But like you said, if you either keep the meetings/rendezvous/etc civil and innocent, at least you won’t have regret afterwards. But definitely, like Nik pointed out, you got to be careful of even venturing down the path for fear of hurting feelings or just making yourself feel bad!
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goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 11:54 am
Willllllllllliiiiiieeeee…omg I have missed you, how is twitter? How is the fam? I’m so happy you came to visit me!!!
“But like you said, if you either keep the meetings/rendezvous/etc civil and innocent, at least you won’t have regret afterwards.”
I may not have any regrets because I kept the meeting innocent/civil but if I had continued on in that direction the innocent intention may come back to bite me in the ass.
I know a gf of mine who keeps civil with her ex, they go on dates to the movies etc…he’s great ppl, but he constantly professes his feelings for her and she’s all like “I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO”…????!!!
I dont think reconnecting with an ex is a good thing,innocent or not unless you’re both on equal playing fields in terms of feelings…someone is bound to get hurt….
Now I need to repeat what I just wrote out loud until I get it right lollll
[Reply]
Oh goodness! This is me…every morsel. I have an idea of why I do this and it’s something that tends to be a common thing in my life…unwilling to change what’s familiar to my own detriment. Although when I do step out it’s always smooth sailing, no looking back. You gave me some things to really think about. *sigh*
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goddessintellect Reply:
February 4th, 2010 at 11:56 am
Hey melzie, you and me both…there is always an underlying issue…I know i dont necessarily have strong feelings for this person…I just acted on impulse, thought I’d pull a fast one on my conscious…didnt work
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Wow … I just had a similar experience except it was me in the drivers seat. I was feeling a little nostalgic, “she” and I never dated it was just a spanking good time. I started with a text to feel her out, it leads to a date to watch Weeds (Showtime series). I’m not the aggressive type so I look for her to make the first move (Actually I let her make the first move to free myself from guilt. I can always say that “You came on to me.”) She’s giving me all the right signals but she never makes a move. We ended up watching seasons 1 & 2 before I went home. In retrospect I’m imagining that she had the same realization as you. I’m glad that I, that she … that we didn’t. We were definitely not on the same “playing field” … I wanted to do a quarterback sneak & she probably wants the long ball.
Thanks. Your post woke me up!
[Reply]
goddessintellect Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 11:02 am
“I wanted to do a quarterback sneak & she probably wants the long ball.”
G.I Likes this!lol
I’m curious to know (get @ me in private if you dont want feel like answering on here)…after you went home were you disappointed? Did you view the “spanking good time” in a new light? Do yall still talk?
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Mr.TramueL™ Reply:
February 5th, 2010 at 2:55 pm
I wasn’t disappointed. I was glad that I didn’t try to spank her that night. Reading your post & how you felt I’ve gained a new perspective. I know that she wanted more from me in the past, which is why we created space, I also know that all I had to do was call and she would allow me back in. I’m too selfish to give her what she wants & I’m not sure if this is someone I could be in a long-term relationship with.
We (Translation SHE) set some hard boundaries. She has no problem being my “friend” only and she wants time to get over the unacknowledged fantasies. She is a great person & I’m cool with friendship.
[Reply]
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