goddess intellect

Believe it or not, I’m not a fan of the whole “relationship expert industry”. I know, I know, I write about relationships,  give advice to folks all the time, aaaaaand I read a lot of self-help and relationship books but let me be ashy without cocoa butter real for a minute- most of the advice is bullshit!

Well I came across an article on popular site Madame Noire “Relationship Guru has advice for Good Girls Like Chili”. Relationship expert Tionna Smalls (I like her name a lot)made a recent appearance on a 105.1 radio show to talk about her new book “Men Love Abuse- I know”. The title of the book and her interview was controversial. I love controversy. I love a mental challenge, but I was like huh, abuse? What??!! I almost called bullshit…almost. Hear me out!

The article quoted the author talking about TLC’s Chili (*sings* RED LIGHT SPECIAL ALLLLL THROUGH THE NIGHT!) calling her delusional. I’ll let you check out the article for yourself, but one passage in particular stood out to me:

 “Men do not like nice girls, and nice girls are finishing last. So sometimes you gotta treat a man like you don’t care.”

“We’re talking about if you want to get in a relationship with a girl, you ain‘t gonna want to wife a girl who’s going to let you do whatever you want to do.”

I was on my way to work and overheard a conversation between two men that was epic. The two men were coming back from work, had constructions digs on, One Hispanic the other Jamaican. The Hispanic man turned to the Jamaican man and said:

Hispanic: Do you have a woman?

Jamaican: No, I can’t be bothered. Women are too much of a headache!

Hispanic: no, no no you can’t think like that man.. really?

Jamaican: Ya mon, I’m not looking right now. Too much trouble. All they do is want, want, want! They’re all crazy man.

Hispanic: I hear what you’re saying but it’s up to both parties to keep the peace. Men, we are often the trouble makers. If you have a nice woman and give her nothing but trouble she’s gonna turn into that crazy chic, because you are crazy. If you find a nice woman and treat her the way she treats you, you won’t say these things. I love my woman, she’s great, I don’t give her trouble. Life is good.

Between reading the article and peeping the public transit conversation, I came to the following conclusions:

• Nice girls/guys finish last is some bullshit, get that phrase out of your daily vocab if you want to develop as a loving human being
• If setting personal boundaries is considered “treat a man like you don’t care” then yes I’m all for it. We are all naturally attracted to individuals with boundaries. Eg. “I will not tolerate being put down, I will not tolerate being lied to, I will not accept a relationship in which I am not loved and valued”….do I need say anymore?
•  There is nothing wrong with being a naturally giving and caring individual, conversely there is nothing wrong with being a rough and tough with my afropuffs chic. We are all made of the same stuff but we are meticulously placed in unique molds for a reason. Embrace it. Love it!
• There is no set way to attract a relationship that compliments you, I’m sorry, however there is a set way to attract BS. Stick by and constantly reinforce your boundaries, that’s what protects us from getting dragged through the mud and that’s what attracts healthier experiences.
• Sometimes in order to reinforce our new found boundaries we have to get tough. You may lose friends, a lover-you will be challenged!

I think I’m well past my usual word count, the post is late, and IDGAF.

But I do GAF about your opinion-> what is your take on the article, the Hispanic/Jamaican man convo and life?

SIDE NOTE: I’m making some changes to the site, make sure I see your behind back here tomorrow xoxo