goddess intellect

I am the proud ambassador for the single woman who has been thuggin’ it in the dating world for a minute with no serious prospects for matrimony. A former serial lover, I had to have a man up under my arm to stress over at girls night out. Can you believe that? Addicted to making myself unhappy, the latter half of my dating life has been dedicated to the most important person in my life right now, me.

My tight-knit circle of gal pals are all currently entwined in partnerships of commitment, whether that be via marriage, engagement, or starting a family. Has this had any effect on me? Of course, I’d be a liar not to admit to the fact. How so? Well once upon a time I was shiggity shacked up in a common-law relationship that lasted way too long only to emerge from it empty handed. While things were rocky I practically swore off a social life, my happiness would depend solely on him and I felt as if no one understood me. No one understood me because I didn’t understand me! The time behind enemy lines left me a bit behind in terms of finding my groove in dating. I regret nothing. To reflect is to heal.

When a friend, especially a close friend enters into a new relationship or decides to take their relationship to another level, it’s normal to feel brief rejection. In fact separation of some sort is inevitable in my books. A committed relationship takes a lot more time and effort than is perceived from those outside of the relationship looking in. Now it’s perfectly normal for our friends to have the harshest judgement on partners we choose, but at the end of the day whose decision is it?

I have observed bitter bosom buddy breakups because too much time is spent with the new mister or misses. I wonder is that just old fashioned jealousy, or are we obligated to dedicate the same amount of time to friendships as we do our relationships.

Healthy relationship or not, a friend’s duty is to be just that a friend. Not a second lover, a gatekeeper, a parental figure, or any of that mess. I know that when I was tangled in my common-law disaster/lesson of a relationship, I had and still have mad respect for the friend who respected my space, checked in to see how I was doing, and made it very clear to me that although she was not happy with the state of things in my life, she loved me- the end.

If you are under the impression that when a friend enters a relationship, that the friendship dynamic will stay the same, you’re sadly mistaken.

Have you ever had a friendship dissolve due to a new relationship?

Do you expect your friends to spend the same amount of time with you as they did before getting in to a relationship? Why or why not?

If you have a friend who is currently in an unhealthy relationship, how has this affected your friendship?

Originally written by yours truly for Hello Beautiful.