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When It Comes To Dating, Who Should Do the Chasing?

I had an overwhelming moment some time ago, yes I know, superwomen have them too! During this overwhelming moment I decided to seek the counsel to one of my best guy friends. One who has been a solids rock in my life for as long as I can remember. One who has even seen me-GASP- cry!

Well we got to talking and as always we get sidetracked from the original issue, (a strategic tactic to get me to smile). He’s probably one of my favorite people to debate with. One of the issues I’ve always been dead ass straight on is chasing, as in pursuing a lover. I always felt that the man should initiate and continue to initiate the pursuing throughout the relationship, that’s how he feels secure, that’s how you know a man really likes you and that’s allegedly the way things have always been since caveman times. It’s also very exhausting, no?

When I first started to see this purposely online Enigma of a lover I am seeing now and ran into some problems I had the usually yellow mellow friend set me straight, “Man, why do you always wait for dudes to do the chasing? This dude is a good dude, I think you need to put in some work for a change.”

I looked over my shoulder and pointed at my chest, “Who me?”

Yes me, and I knew damn well he was talking about me. And guess what? As much as I didn’t want to admit it, me, myself and I knew he was right.

I knew that in order to make this transition that I had been fighting for my entire 20’s I needed to start bending the rules to make them work for me and not against me. One of these rules was the whole chasing phenomenon. NOW- I have to be careful with this concept because chasing could vary from obsessive stalking heavy breathing over the phone TO chasing someone who wants nothing to do with you.

That is NOT the type of “chasing” I am referring to.

Chasing in this case refers to taking on the role of a person who is more committed and comfortable initiating certain conversations and actions in a relationship. And you know what? This will never be the onus of one partner all the time, well it shouldn’t be anyway.

I still love to chased, approached and subdued, when it comes to…………… but I am also now more comfortable with initiating conversation, affection and getting the chase going. I think on some level there are men out there who feel more secure knowing that they don’t have to run hurdles around a woman each and every time, in order to reach an understanding. I think that as much as men love to be our knights in shining armour it only makes sense that both parties first put in the work to create something worth fighting for in the first place.

Being a TKO knockout in those jeggings is only 5% of the equation.

In your relationships, past or present who did most of the chasing?

Which gender do you feel should be initiating the “pursuits of happiness”?

If a woman constantly does things to prove she loves for her man (buy gifts, sings his praises, tend to his every need), is she considered weak?


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Beginning February 2012 improve your outlook on relationships by participating in weekly group discussions, receiving private one-on-one coaching and other fun ish to get your gears in motion.

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Goddess Intellect

Relationship Coach at Goddess Intellect
Telisha Ng is the Creator of Battle of the Sexes Show, and Goddess Intellect. You can always find Telisha offering fun wisdom and sound advice on relationships. It’s her mission to bring men and women together for love, respect and flirtatious freedom to make the world a better place.
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Latest posts by Goddess Intellect (see all)

  1. Lauryn Doll (Reply) on Monday 9, 2012

    I am too shy and traditional, so I may flirt, but the man has to chase – well, I prefer to say “approach” me.


  2. que'rae (Reply) on Monday 9, 2012

    I use to be/feel that way…but then one of my friends put it to me straight and simple..”Closed mouths don’t get feed.” Some guys are just as shy and afraid of rejection as some of us females. Be ashamed to let a “possible” slip because no one smiled and said “Hello”


  3. MzGotTheBody (Reply) on Monday 9, 2012

    Well there is chasing and then there is chasing taken to no return. I’m old school and I think a real man will let it be known if he’s interested in pursuing a relationship with you and on the same token yes females can let a man know she likes/interested him as well, buttttttt……………………..calling him and asking him out all the time..uh! Buying him gifts and picking up the tap? What next, paying for his car payments? Just not considered weak – it’s just plain crazy! A man should always be a man and we should be his WOman!


  4. Sunny (Reply) on Monday 9, 2012

    Chasing is a man’s job. I can’t see myself doing the chasing.