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Why Do I keep Attracting The Same Jerk?

I’m not sure about y’all but I grew up always surrounded by cousins and random family friends who I considered to be family. We spent lots of time outside, roaming the backyard, basements or any room without plastic-covered furniture as this colored wolf pack growing and playing together. There was always a sore loser in the group, the sore loser may have been you…I’m sorry [empathy]. Upon losing a round, that child broke down like the spirit had taken them, whined, complained, huffed and puffed until they got some reassurance (not by me) that they could win the game. They were often the highly competitive cocky child with an exterior of steel and interior of Drake. The only game they truly excelled at was the effortless blame game.

Fast forward to 2012, kids stay slave to technology, outside play has become a form of punishment and the last person you dated is SUCH a jerk, you know they treat you bad but a grin comes on your face as you constantly repeat, “why do they keep calling me then?!”

It’s so easy to play the blame game, there’s no levels to beat, no controls to learn, and no cheat sheet…it’s the smoothest game you’ll ever play, and also one of the most damaging. The rules- When you feel pain you project that to a source outside of you, citing the source as the problem then move on to repeat the process.

Since there are no levels to beat in the Blame Game, you cannot exit it without having a conversation with yourself and an escape plan…That can be a scary move.

Many of us are really good at the blame game, particularly the Romance Edition. It may have started in your childhood as a member of the wolf pack; no one corrected the behavior or explained that with life come losses. You may have come from a particularly competitive upbringing where it was not ok to show weakness or come home with anything less than an A on your report card. Maybe you’ve just been chopped down repeatedly over the years by non-supportive people that it’s easier to blame than to accept and confront.

Whatever the case is…no one likes a sore loser. It’s not attractive, they are the type of people to ruin vacations, make you leave the club at 12:30 a.m, and start the argument to end all arguments right after prayer at Thanksgiving dinner.

They are the type of people that we don’t feel comfortable being around because we’re constantly walking on eggshells- They don’t play fair.

You cannot move on in your love life, closer to happiness, without learning how to take a loss. By that I mean accepting that you are in some way responsible for every failed romantic relationship you have encountered.

Taking a loss doesn’t mean you beat yourself up, stay on the couch stuffing your face with Hagen Daaz, running to text your girl (who doesn’t care btw) every time the ex gets suggestive comments under his fresh new profile picture and Facebook.

Taking a loss means that you can say without choking up that he wasn’t that into you, has decided to move on and you want to do the same …LIKE A G of course.

Not everyone is going to be mesmerized for life by our sparkle and that’s ok, it really is. People are going to come in and out of your life, some hurting us, some leaving us eternal gifts and pleasant memories.

Wish them the best, and wish that your heart has a beautiful recovery- one where your heart bounces back even fuller and open than it was before.

The blame game the easiest game to play yet the easiest way to live a life of misery.

We’re only here for a limited time, are you ready to go to the next level in your love life?

Guess what? I had to reschedule my “Friend To Boyfriend”  webinar…yes again! The new date is next Wednesday Dec.5th @8pm eastern standard time. To register please send me an email

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Goddess Intellect

Relationship Coach at Goddess Intellect
Telisha Ng is the Creator of Battle of the Sexes Show, and Goddess Intellect. You can always find Telisha offering fun wisdom and sound advice on relationships. It’s her mission to bring men and women together for love, respect and flirtatious freedom to make the world a better place.
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  1. Rhachelle Nicol' (Reply) on Thursday 29, 2012

    It was so much easier to move on when I accepted the role I played. He may have been a jerk but I allowed him to be a jerk for way too long and I accepted his excuses. I took my “L” and have been winning ever since.