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Why Would A Single Woman Only Attract Married Men?

By Thursday October 27, 2011

Why Would A Single Woman Only Attract Married Men?

I value the sanctity of marriage even amongst a society that views it as merely a government endorsed contract or as relationship guru Alexyss K Tylor puts it, ‘a noose around the nuts’.

I value family and honesty, things that you agree to honor when you decide to tie the knot. So when one partner decides to step out and their business takes to the streets, this hurts me. It’s not my relationship, or problem but it could be. Now there is a whole lot of noise on infidelity on the blog circuit, we want to prevent it; we want to know how to tell if it’s happening, but what about the other end of the spectrum? See, an affair cannot commence without the consent of another party. It is disgustingly common for married or committed men and I’m sure women, to approach single folks wanting to hook up.

It’s seductive to the single person because the married or attached individual has already proven on some level that they can commit. The fantasy then plays in their head of the married individual leaving their spouse and family to be with them, the single one- The long lost love?! In some cases this is promised, and could happen, but in many cases it’s not. Extra-marital affairs= extra-curricular activities= a hobby=a pastime=I go back to reality when I’m done.

Why would a single woman only attract men in committed relationships? I’ve often struggled with this question. I assumed something was wrong with me, or that I wasn’t good enough to be girlfriend material, or that I was too laid back. I’ve never out rightly agreed to be the other woman, but I never agreed to be my own woman. As a result, I’ve settled for second, third or even fourth place before.

Fact is men from different walks of life will approach women they find attractive whether they ought to or not. There are no laws in place to prevent trying, however as women it’s our responsibility to set the pace of the race, meaning that we need to step up our inner detectives! In addition to dating and the butterfly feelings we get when we are really diggin a person, we also need to feel them out.

Being your own woman means realizing that your two feet remain planted on the ground no matter how fine he is, what he drives, how glistening his penis picture is, or what he promises you on the first few dates. Shit is real, if you constantly find yourself tangled up attracting messy extra-marital affair men; you need to clean up your own game.

It’s a process to undo a pattern like this. From experience, the more you get comfortable with saying NO to these types of advances the more they stay the hell away.

Has a committed or married person ever tried to hook up with you? If so, were they open about their relationship status?

Why do you think some single folks only attract individuals who are already in relationships?

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11 Comments
  1. Bee (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

    I remember having a married man approach me one night while out with my girls. Him and his boys were at the same dinner spot as us, then ended up at the same lounge. He was all flirty flirty at dinner, but I didn’t pay him any mind. At the lounge, he actually had the nerve to let me know he was married but was still interested in me. He wanted to be upfront about his marriage so that him and I could “start off with honesty”…I was hella confused. I asked if him and his wife had an open relationship, and his answer was “well, I do.” I ran like hell.

    I’ve also been “the other woman” without knowing I was. It was a long distance situation, so it was easy for him to play things to his liking, but it all eventually came out in the open. When the shit hit the fan, he said that I “offered a perspective” that he never had with his GF, but couldn’t find a way to leave the relationship with her…I rolled my eyes so hard they almost got stuck.

    The other interesting thing I’ve witnessed as a newlywed myself, is that a LOT of girls will approach my husband, fully well seeing his wedding band. I think another piece of this puzzle is the fact that some people will actively pursue taken folk…I guess for some weird ego boost or something…

       0 likes

  2. Nightfall (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

    May question wouldnt be about dealing w/ married men that seems pretty simple, don’t do it. But Im more curious as to why there no single men in the mix? Are they approaching but getting brushed off? It’s hard to believe that a single attractive woman ONLY attracts married men.

       1 likes

  3. sunnydelyte21 (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

    I have had a share of married men approach me and they let me know they were married. I was like “what the hell?” lol

    One guy was married, and he told me so. Also told me his wife saw me before and told him to approach me and see what I was like..because she wanted me to be their girlfriend. Talk about mind blowing… I thought he was lying…but sure enough she inboxed me and told me when she first remembered seeing me and blah blah blah. Needless to say…nothing ever happened.

    But back to the topic..I would say no and more on.

    Also Nightfall makes a valid point a lot of my male friends tell me about married woman who approach them and sometimes they are all for it…idk

       0 likes

    • gryph (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

      now you just discovered why that woman is married, lol

         1 likes

  4. Naija (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

    A few married men have tried their luck with me, and I figured things out on my own or with the help of a friend. Never got to the point of dating any of them. One thing you have to realize is that they would have likely approached you if they were single as well; it just so happens they had a ring on their finger by the time you came along. It’s not about you emanating some scent that is only picked up by married men. There’s ultimately nothing you can do to stop married men from approaching you, because they’re not all interconnected and do not have a collective grapevine through which news will travel that you’re not open to their advances. The only thing you can control is your response to them, such that they do not waste your time.

       2 likes

  5. gryph (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

    first up, big up for the alexyss tylor reference. i’m mobilizing all my resources to see that her and the ‘quint pon de buddy head’ lady get a nationally syndicated show.

    i think what people need to understand is that MORE marriages would fail if not for infidelity. ‘out-sex’ is kind of like cholesterol. there’s good and bad but it is essential for health.

    so if you find yourself attracting married men, perhaps then it is the universes way of telling you that the best way to serve the institution of marriage is not by following your own narrow – and dare i say selfish – notions of morality, but by being an excellent mistress.

    now this doesn’t mean linking up with any old married person, but one who is respectful and in it for the long haul. there are rules you know, lol!

       2 likes

    • goddessintellect (Reply) on Thursday 27, 2011

      LOL! School me on the mistress principles! I mean to b real there was a time when mistress, wife and husband would play nice..I feel like that has all gone haywire w our generation

         1 likes

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