I value the sanctity of marriage even amongst a society that views it as merely a government endorsed contract or as relationship guru Alexyss K Tylor puts it, ‘a noose around the nuts’.
I value family and honesty, things that you agree to honor when you decide to tie the knot. So when one partner decides to step out and their business takes to the streets, this hurts me. It’s not my relationship, or problem but it could be. Now there is a whole lot of noise on infidelity on the blog circuit, we want to prevent it; we want to know how to tell if it’s happening, but what about the other end of the spectrum? See, an affair cannot commence without the consent of another party. It is disgustingly common for married or committed men and I’m sure women, to approach single folks wanting to hook up.
It’s seductive to the single person because the married or attached individual has already proven on some level that they can commit. The fantasy then plays in their head of the married individual leaving their spouse and family to be with them, the single one- The long lost love?! In some cases this is promised, and could happen, but in many cases it’s not. Extra-marital affairs= extra-curricular activities= a hobby=a pastime=I go back to reality when I’m done.
Why would a single woman only attract men in committed relationships? I’ve often struggled with this question. I assumed something was wrong with me, or that I wasn’t good enough to be girlfriend material, or that I was too laid back. I’ve never out rightly agreed to be the other woman, but I never agreed to be my own woman. As a result, I’ve settled for second, third or even fourth place before.
Fact is men from different walks of life will approach women they find attractive whether they ought to or not. There are no laws in place to prevent trying, however as women it’s our responsibility to set the pace of the race, meaning that we need to step up our inner detectives! In addition to dating and the butterfly feelings we get when we are really diggin a person, we also need to feel them out.
Being your own woman means realizing that your two feet remain planted on the ground no matter how fine he is, what he drives, how glistening his penis picture is, or what he promises you on the first few dates. Shit is real, if you constantly find yourself tangled up attracting messy extra-marital affair men; you need to clean up your own game.
It’s a process to undo a pattern like this. From experience, the more you get comfortable with saying NO to these types of advances the more they stay the hell away.
Has a committed or married person ever tried to hook up with you? If so, were they open about their relationship status?
Why do you think some single folks only attract individuals who are already in relationships?